


Turn Away (A Hollstein Fic)

by AddlctWlthAPen



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: Based on a Twenty One Pilots Song, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:14:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9052954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddlctWlthAPen/pseuds/AddlctWlthAPen
Summary: {AU INSPIRED BY TWENTY ONE PILOTS' "CANCER" (MCR) COVER}Laura: *I didn't plan this. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone. I didn't want to hurt anyone.*Carmilla: "why do I have a feeling you're going to bring chaos to my entire life?"She smiles at me





	1. Isolation

Laura's POV:

 

The snow began to fall on the ground before me. It was always freezing here. You could practically smell the air, cold and bitter. As if the blizzard two days ago was going to stop me from coming to my favorite book store. The snow could fall all it wanted. I was warm and content beside my book and coffee at a near by park bench considered to be part of the coffee shop. My eyes never really left my book when I was out in the open, and though I was here just about everday, many paid no mind to me. It was nice. Peaceful, dare I say.

I didn't mind the isolation. I knew what was best for me, and for others. I waited here till my appointment with Dr. Lafontaine, or Dr. Laf, and somehow always ended up right at this bench everyday after. I spent most of my time here and the world didn't mind one bit. That's how I liked it. It's better it be this way. The world should continue to turn regardless of my presence on this bench. The mailman should pass, as he did everyday, around 1 P.M., the local dog lady, aka Dr. Laf's wife, should continue to walk by with 3 or 4 dogs on a leash around 1:30, and a women with very permed hair should continue to come for her daily run around 1:45 and again later at 8:15. Nothing should change if I were to leave this bench and nothing would.

I look at my watch. 2:15. Better get going. I put my book inside my brown satchel and place a tip for the girl who worked the coffee shop today then began walking towards the hospital. 

\- - - - -

Today's session was absolutely terrible. I just felt like laying down but I decided to go to my bench. 

My bench. I laugh at the thought. 

I've got no possession over this bench or anything in this world. I wouldn't allow myself to. I just couldn't resist this spot for some reason. I sigh as I take a seat and lay my head back. I didn't even realize, I was beginning to fall asleep. 

\- - - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

 

"Come on Mircalla, you know you'd like to go! Poetry is your thing!" My close friend Mattie says nudging my shoulder. 

"Stages and lights aren't my style. Hello? Evil daughter of darkness mean anything to you?" I say rolling my eyes at her attempt to get me out more.

"Whatever you say." She says in an annoyed tone. "I'm still signing you up."

"Mattie no. I'd rather sit through twilight then humiliate myself in front of useless humans. Besides, they don't deserve to see inside my mind."

"Tisk tisk. Must you be so deep minded." She rolls her eyes and walks in front of me.

"Hey, more than 300 years of history and books in my mind remember. Let's not forget I majored in psychology more times than I can count."

She laughs and stops in her tracks causing me to bump into her. She's staring forward.

"What's gotten into you?" I say confused trying to see what she's staring at.

"It's a snack!" She smiles at me as her fangs slowly start to dart out.

"Where? I don't smell anything?"

"How could you not! It's a few blocks down. The heart rate is slower than usual meaning they're probably asleep or something. Let's go!" She uses her speed to get ahead of me, I go after her catching up.

I've got one of the strongest senses people have ever known. How could I not smell the humans blood, or even hear the heart beat from more than a mile away. That's new. Must not be my day.

We reach a park close to a coffee shop. Mattie stands in front of a sleeping body.   
Why can't I hear their heart?

I walk up to Mattie to get a better view of the person before her. Woah. She was... beautiful. Never had I seen a face more peaceful. Her hair was a beautiful brown with streaks that looked almost like gold to me. Her lips somehow managed to keep the perfect shape and texture, even in the cold air. She was small, one might even say she was tiny. Her head was rested against the back of the bench and her satchel was tightly beside her. 

"Well what are we waiting for?" Mattie licks her lips and is ready to pounce on the girl. 

"Wait." I put my arm in front of her.

"What is it now?" She sighs annoyed with me.

I give her a sympathetic look.

"No no no, we are not allowing this one to live." She says a little loudly.

"Shhh! But Mattie she's harmless, I mean look at her." I stare back at the sleeping girl.

"Aren't they all?" She says messing with her fangs. "Why don't you just look away, I'll take care of the little-"

"Mattie no. Please." I say standing in front of her. "I don't allow many people to live. Just allow me to let her live?" She taps her fangs looking over my shoulder at the girl then back at me.

"Must you be so soft Mircalla? What use could this small human possibly have for you?"

"We both know I never am soft. So let this be the one time I am. She has no worth to me." I say sternly. I turn to look at the girl and my face begins to soften. Why do I feel so strange about this. "I just feel... she deserves a full life."

"And you're basing this off what exactly? Her looks? You've been around Mir, this one's nothing speci-"

"Mattie I have no intentions of being a part of her life, okay? I just don't feel like killing her and I'd prefer... actually, I demand you don't either." I turn to her still standing in front of the girl.

"You demand?" She laughs.

"Mattie I'm serious." She gives me a long stare as if she's testing my stance.

"As you wish." Mattie says retracting her fangs. "I'm gonna go find a blood bank or something. You coming?"

"I'll be there in a bit." I say turning to look at the girl. 

"Fine. But don't you dare use her as a snack while I'm gone." She laughs and is gone in a flash.

I smile at the remark. Why would I destroy something so beautiful? I sit beside the girl, careful not to wake her. Mattie said she heard her heart but I still couldn't hear it, even while sitting beside her. Her scent wasn't strong to me either. 

The girl was shivering and I felt my face begin to frown. I take my leather jacket off and place it on her. She moves a little causing me to scoot back but she stays asleep, hopefully warmer now with my jacket. I wanted to feel her heart. I didn't understand why it was so inaudible to me. I reached over slowly and was about to place my hand on her heart when the girl slowly begins sitting up straighter. She yawns and I realize it's best I leave before she gets up. My jacket was nothing special so I didn't mind leaving it with her. The chances of seeing her again were one in a million but I was content with allowing her a chance at life. I never stopped Mattie or myself from snacking, but I felt this one deserved to live. If she knew how lucky she was I'm sure she'd never take it for granted. I take one last look at the beautiful girl and smile. I run away faster than she could notice to the closest blood bank where I was sure to find Mattie. 

\- - - - - 

Laura's POV :

 

I feel a fast breeze before me as I awake. Must have been a bird or the wind. I yawn and begin stretching when a leather jacket falls off of me and onto my lap. What the? I grab the jacket and look around. The streets were empty and the lights to all the nearby shops were off. No one was around. I take a hard look at the jacket trying to find a name tag or card inside of it. Hell, even a receipt with a name on it would do, but nothing but a crumbled up piece of paper comes out of the jacket. 

I feel bad invading this person's privacy but I go ahead and uncrumble the paper. I'm sure this person would like their jacket back so I've gotta investigate. The paper ends up being a flyer for the local poetry reading. Still no name. I sigh in defeat. 

I guess I'll be attending the poetry reading tomorrow. Wait. No. It's best I stayed out of this. Maybe if I leave the jacket here.. but that would be wrong as well. Sigh. What am I gonna do now..

I continue reading details about the event as I walk home. I place the leather jacket over my own allowing it to bring me more warmth. Whoever the owner was they sure did smell nice. I chuckle at the thought.

\- - - - - - - - -


	2. The   Hopeless   Poet

Laura's POV:

 

I can't believe I'm actually considering this. It's been 3 days since this jacket was placed on me and I'm still considering returning it to the owner. It was a nice gesture but why did they leave it? Had I been asleep that long? It was just strange. I couldn't keep it, my conscience wouldn't allow me to, which only left me one option. I sighed grabbing my beanie and satchel and walking out my appartment door.

\- - - - -

Carmilla's POV:

 

"I can't believe you dragged me here. I've told you before I don't want to recite anything of mine." I say crossing my arms sitting beside Mattie.

"I didn't bring you here to recite anything dear, I brought you here for your passion. We always do things I want to do, I thought it'd be nice to change it up for a night." The poet currently speaking wasn't even speaking poetry, more like stand up comedy. "I'm slowly regretting my decision." She says causing me to laugh.

"You don't have to stick around you kno-"

"Thank god, I thought you'd never give in. This was my mistake let's go!" She says standing up trying to rush out.

"I think I'm gonna stay awhile. Maybe throw some things at the terrible comedians here." Mattie gives me a smile.

"Well then I'll be out for the night. Try not to have too much fun without me" she laughs and I give her a salute to send her on her way. She leaves in a flash. 

I sat there alone for awhile lost in thought. These "poets" were terrible.

All they spoke was slang, cussing and about girls in the most sexist of ways.  
This guy's obviously just doing this for female attention, I think to myself rolling my eyes. It seemed to be working because he managed to make a table of girls laugh. They're all the same these days.

"Alright thanks for that!" The host takes the microphone from the guy mid-sentence to stop him from making even more of a fool of himself. "Well that's all the entries on the list, would anyone care to come up and give it a go?" Everyone looks around at each other and I smirk. This is lame.

Suddenly I hear the door open from over my shoulder and feel the gust of wind come through it. I turn to see who it was, along with everyone else in the crowd, and I see the back of a girl struggling to close the door behind her due to the harsh winds. She somehow manages to close it. I could hear her sigh in the silence of the room as she turns around. My mouth suddenly props open.  
Her?

She brushes the snow off of my leather jacket, which I now snap into realization that she was wearing. Cute. She starts walking forward looking for a seat.

"You there!" The host points to her and the spotlight turns to her. She freezes mid-step. You could almost see the fear in her eyes.  
"How bout some poetry!" The host says cheerfully.

She gives an awkward smile and shakes her head then looks down.

"Come on just a few words? You look like the type to be strong with her words!" He teases and my face feels heated as I see the girl start turning red with all the people's eyes on her. She doesn't like this, I think to myself. I wouldn't either. She starts playing with the zipper on my leather jacket and shakes her head again. Her face was almost scared like.

"Come on up here!" He's says again causing her to slowly back up. 

"Leave her be cheese-for-brains, the girl doesn't want to talk, alright?" I say from my seat. The spotlight turns to me as I take a sip of my coffee.

He gives me an angry look probably due to the nickname I gave him.  
"How 'bout you then leather pants?" He says back. Oh how original. I laugh at his comeback. "Why don't you just come up here and show us a little something. A view like you couldn't possibly have much to say." He teases. He was really beginning to get on my nerves.

I place my coffee down and give him an intimidating stare. Ha, I laugh under my breath. I look at the girl who is staring at me with a sympathetic look. Everyone else's eyes were on me as well.  
"Fine." I say rolling my eyes.

"Alright!" He yells as everyone begins to clap. I stand and walk towards the girl and whisper to her,  
"You can have my seat." I smile and open my chair for her. She keeps her eyes to the ground and whispers back a small "Thank you." as she sits down.

I nod and walk to the stage. The spotlight now back on me.

"Here's a bit of a short paradox." I say sighing into the microphone. 

 

"I, am nobody.  
A resistance to anything but temptation.  
A mere spec in the spectrum we consider life.  
I've seen light in periods of darkness.  
But rain in the bitter sunshine.  
It's causes chaos to my mind.  
The pleasurable pain.  
Shall it end?  
Merely where it begins.  
The cycle goes on as it shall remain.  
Does this pain have a purpose?"

 

I sigh into the microphone and begin to walk off as the crowd claps and the host looks at me as if he'd never heard poetry before. At least it got him to shut up.

I look over my table to see the girl lost in thought.  
Wonder what was on her mind. 

I go to sit beside her and she sends me a smile then looks back down at the table. 

"Quite shy aren't we?" I smile at her. She begins to play with the table cloth in front of her. I sigh. She must be ignoring my existence. I look at the stage and watch as the next person walks on.

"T-thank you." I hear her whisper from beside me. I smile. How adorable.

"For what cupcake?" I hear her move in her seat as if she tensed up at the nickname.

"For.. saving me from that.." I look at her and she points at the stage. "I um.. I never could have done it." 

"I don't believe that for a second." I turn my chair to face her. 

"What do you mean?" She sends me a confused sad look.

I point at her bag.  
"A girl who reads has got to have an abstract beautiful mind." I say sending her a smirk. She looks down at her satchel as her cheeks seem to turn a warm rosey color then back at her hands playing with the cloth still. I take a sip of my coffee.

"Nice jacket by the way," she instantly looks up at me. "Wouldn't happen to know where I could find one myself?" I say smoothly.

"A-actually, it's not mine."

"Oh?" 

She nods.

"Well, whose is it?" I say smiling pretty big.

"I'm um. Not really sure," she says with a sad smirk. "A kind strangers."

I smirk now trying to be smooth about the whole situation. "Interesting."

"You know.." She says observing me. "It would definitely match well with your leather pants."

"You don't say?" I look down at my pants then back at her. I wanted to see how long I could drag this out.  
She nods.

"Well I think it looks really cute on you cupcake." She's staring down again and I swear I could see a smile form on her face. She begins to yawn. Poor tired creampuff.

"I actually came here to find the owner of it." She says sternly. "I found a flier for this thing crumbled in the pocket and decided I'd like to return it."

I had forgotten Mattie had handed me a flier. I thought I had threw it on the street. Oops.

"That's very thoughtful of you. Chivalry really isn't dead, huh?" I give her a curious look. 

She raises her shoulders as if to say she wasn't so sure about that, but she nods anyways.

"You don't say much do you?" I tilt my head as if I was a curious cat. My cat-like mind sometimes mixes with my 'normal' behavior. 

She shakes her head.

"You should though." 

She looks up at me. Her face was tired. I still can't hear a single heart beat from this girl. Even sitting beside her! She purses her lips.

"Why's that?" She asks in a slow low tone.

"You've got a beautiful voice." Her face stays plain and unimpressed by my comment but her cheeks give away another blush and her eyes almost seem to have softened but she snaps out of her daze instantly and plays with the zipper on the jacket.

I sigh. Someone's guarded.  
"Right. Well I'm gonna get out of here, got some stuff to do. Maybe I'll see you around, um" I stop and wait for her to insert her name. She stays quiet. "Cupcake it is." I say placing my hand out to her. She shakes it and I stand up grabbing my coffee. She stares at the person on stage.

"By the way," I bend beside her and whisper in her ear from behind, "you can keep the jacket. It really does look better on you." She tenses up and turns around to look at me with an astonished expression. I give her a wink and walk out drinking my coffee. My mind stained with the image of her soft smile. 

 

I still have no intentions of getting involved here.


	3. Existence

Laura's POV:

Did she just?... was that?... 

I feel my face heat up as I sit alone trying to process what just happened. "Oh my gosh, her jacket!" I quickly get up and run out the door to the open dead road. It was dark except for the small light outside of the shop. I didn't see her anywhere.  
Crap.

She did tell me to keep it but I didnt want to take it. I liked it very much, especially the scent, but why did she give it to me like it was nothing to her? The tiny investigator in me began to spring out. I sighed in defeat and decided to walk home. 

Classes began again tomorrow at Silas University and I had signed up this year. Dr. Laf thought school would be a good distraction for me. I wasn't one to fight with them on that. I guess a new scent would be better too. The hospitals smell of latex and lack of clean air was really starting to make me sick. 

Besides, How bad could it be?

\- - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

 

I hope she got home alright. The least I could have done was stayed and walked her home. I'm sure she's fine. I don't know why I even care, she's just some girl. Just a normal girl.

I walk around the woods Mattie usually likes to purge but don't find her anywhere.   
Must have decided to pick a better location.  
I begin walking to my appartment. I could run there and make it in less than a minute but I wanted to enjoy the stars. 

Existence was something I found interesting, including my very own. It's a psychology major's way of looking at things I guess. I had visited so many different schools and gotten degrees from each. I don't know what it was about this that made me feel so close to home. Maybe it was my constant search for purpose. I had been living for longer than I had wanted to, of course I'm in search of a purpose. Every decade that passed I've done nothing but feel useless. Watching as humans die day after day leaving no mark on the world. Not even a scratch. It was saddening. Had I to have died the night I was turned I wouldn't have left a dent in the world. My tombstone would not be visited to this day as my body would have become one with the earth.

It all had deeper meaning to me but I could never wrap my finger around it. As soon as I get home I found Mattie sleeping on my couch. I laugh quietly, guess she couldn't make it to her house. What a party animal. I place a blanket over her and kiss her forehead then go to my room to lay down.

Today felt different. Tomorrow would be the same. I was going into my second semester at Silas and was kind of looking forward to getting back. Sure being out all night with Mattie and random girls I meet in clubs was fun, but I liked the calmness school brought me. It was always bittersweet. 

I'd get used to seeing the same faces in the halls. It made me feel normal. I had only met 2 or 3 people in my lifetime that I actually befriended, each with different stories, but I'd never allow myself to get too close. It was hard watching a close friend age. I had to watch my own family age. It was a beautiful procrss that caused so much pain to witness. So I was broody as often as I could be to scare people off, but somehow those 2 or 3 people had managed to stick around and be friends with me. They're gone now. It was a sad sight to watch but I knew they lived full lives.

I laid in bed watching as my ceiling fan turned, wondering what this year had in store for me.

Vampires don't really sleep much, that's something those mocking vampire movies got right. But it was refreshing to every once and awhile. It was another thing that made me feel normal. I could go days without sleep, but I still decided to sleep when I could. Sunlight was never fun to witness, it did not burn me or cause me to sparkle. The thought of being a disco ball in the sunlight was a terrible joke. I laugh to myself. I'm just very VERY sensitive to it.

I didn't exactly crave normalcy, I had just forgotten what it was like to be the least bit normal. Sure I could act it, but it felt wrong to. Each decade brought change that I had to adapt to. That was another thing school taught me. Dating was for sure never the same. Chivalry was practically dead and people became sloppy. 

The world has lost its beauty. The world has lost its color. 

So I became just as sloppy, spending nights in others beds. I didn't need attachment. I didn't want it. It would only bring me pain later to watch my partner age as I stay the same.

Deep down I wasn't this person, to stay in a bed for only a night. I was one for love. Romance. The old days. But the world has made me cold. Colorless. And I knew this way I shall stay. It was for the best.

I should really be getting sleep but my mind was always going 100 miles an hour.

Tomorrow will be normal.

\- - - - - - 

Laura's POV:

 

*beep beep beep*

I grunt and roll over hitting my alarm clock to turn it off. 6 A.M. was way too early to get dressed for class but I needed a few extra minutes to drive down to the school. 

I keep my eyes shut for a bit watching little sparks fly inside the darkness of my eye lids. The sparks soon become swirls and I feel my stomach getting nauseous. I get up and run to the restroom hardly holding in the food I had eaten the previous night till I got to the toilet. It was as if all my food and water was leaving my body. The liquid came out clear, which wasn't a terrible sign. I sigh sitting on the bathroom floor wiping the extra contents from my mouth. 

This wasn't routine but it wasn't abnormal either, especially a day after my last session. It was the one thing I didn't miss about doing these sessions. I had gone so long without taking them, it was my father who convinced me to try again.

What's the point..

I finally find the strength to get up and get dressed for the day. I brush my teeth trying not to gag at the overpowering mint smell and taste. After changing into an oversized t-shirt and some black jeans I look at my coat rack. The girls jacket was on one hook and my normal brown one was on the other.

What are the chances I'd run into her again anyways. 

I saw no harm in wearing her jacket again. It matched my outfit and the scent brought me a small pinch of serenity. It was calming and much nicer for my senses then my jacket that smelt of the hospital. It was time for me to go. I grab my keys and walk out the door to my black Altima. I was always one for riding my bike but the weather lately was definetly not permitting it. 

\- - - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

 

I somehow managed to show up to class on time, this was definetly not like me. I wasn't eager to be here, I just couldn't sleep last night so I decided to stay up for class. 

I sat behind the annoying jock leader of the Zeta's. It was definitely not by choice, he just sat in front of me. I didn't care for his name. He was always so dapper and puppy-like, I found it repulsive. He also had the worst vocabulary. He called me carm-sexy last semester. If it wasn't for the people around I swear I would have beat the 'dude' out of him.

Class begins and I already regret my decision of being early. The english professor has people introduce themselves to the class with their name and major. Nothing new. Nobody volunteered to go first and I sure as hell didn't care to. 

"Well someone's gotta go?" She says looking at the crowd of students. When she looks straight at me I could tell what was coming next. She raises her hand to point at me when a girl runs into the room about 10 minutes late. Light brown hair with streaks of gold. A gently placed beanie over it. Black leather jacket and black pants over her tiny figure. A small awkward smile.

It's her. But how?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: if you like the story and don't want to wait for my updates on here, you can find it completed on my Wattpad account 
> 
> AddlctWlthAPen
> 
> (The "i"s are replaced with "L"s :)


	4. Serendipity

Carmilla's POV:

 

"Why hello there miss Hollis, a little late today aren't we?" The professor turns to greet her. The girls face goes pink as she looks at the floor, avoiding all the class' gaze.

"I um.. traffic was really ba-"

"Right right. Speak with me after class." The professor interrupts her. She nods and starts to walk to closest seat she could find, aka, the front row.

I sigh leaning back in my seat.  
Well this will be.. interesting?

The professor taps her chin looking at the class.

"What was I... oh yeah! Introductions, well since you were late," I knew she was going to put the girl on the spot as the first to introduce herself. Remembering the last experience she had with being on the spot I raise my hand catching the teacher off guard.

"Carmilla?" she says slowly.

"I'm volunteering to go first, or whatever." I say with a sigh.

"That's unlike you." The class' gaze falls upon me now, including the girl's, who is now in complete shock at seeing me. She quickly turns her head back and pretends to read the syllabus causing me to smirk at her shyness. I was starting to get used to the feeling of eyes on me, although all these years I was the quiet one.

"Yeah well, it's gonna be a new year so I'm working on a new me I guess." I roll my eyes at the terrible excuse I gave and stand up walking to the front.

"Name, major and a little about yourself if you'd like to add."

I stand in front of the class and the girl finally takes her eyes off the class syllabus before her and they fall upon me. I give her a small wink and smile causing her face to again fall onto her hands and paper on her desk.

"Right. Well." I say looking up at the class crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm Carmilla, I don't do nicknames or friends so don't be surprised if I'm not the friendly type-"

"Carmilla." The teacher warns causing me to laugh.

"I'm a psychology major and this is my second semester here at Silas." I put my hands out in a "ta-da" gesture and begin walking to my desk when the professor stops me.

"And where are you originally from Carmilla?"

"Woah there professor, information like that usually requires a second date," I wink in sarcasm as the class begins laughing causing my professor to give me a disapproving look.

"Alright, that's enough. Thank you Carmilla." She says in an annoyed tone.

"Anytime." I slump down in my seat crossing my arms over my chest.

"Let's just move down the row shall we."

In a class full of over 40 students we ended up spending the whole day on introductions and somehow the girl managed to go last. 

"And last but not least, Ms. Hollis?" She says smiling at the girl. The girl begins to stand but does not move from beside her seat.

"M-my name is Laura Hollis," 

So that's the cutie's name.

"and I'm a journalist major." 

This explains her need to know things. I smile to myself. Before she begins to speak again a bell rings causing the whole class to begin running out the door.

"We shall continue with our first assignment tomorrow!" The professor yells at everyone running out the door. I begin to gather my things and walk towards the front as the girl sits and waits for everyone to leave. 

"You know," I smile beside her desk, "it's time to go?" 

She nods, "I have to take a moment to speak with the professor." She sends me a sad smirk gathering her stuff. 

"Oh right. Sorry cupcake, see you in the halls?" I smile and her facial expression doesn't change.

"I suppose so." 

I nod and walk out the door.   
Why do I feel the need to pursue her.  
I wait outside the classroom as the professor closes the door. 

\- - - - - -

Laura's POV:

 

I hate to be rude but I didn't need a friend in my life right now. She seemed nice but I wasn't here to make friends, nor should I be. The professor closes the door leaving me and her alone.

"So miss Hollis, please give me the real reason you were late this morning?"

I give her a confused look.   
"But that was my-"

"We both know there's hardly any traffic around this part of town."

I sigh and search through my satchel for the doctors note. I hated giving these things to professors and past bosses. I didn't want them to see me any different. I sigh and hand her the note. 

She reads it and, just as I suspect, her facial expression softens and almost instantly drops. 

"I-.." She pauses. "I'm so sorry Laura I didn't mean to put you on the sp-"

"Nobody must know." I interrupt her looking down to avoid her sympathetic looks that mostly everyone who knew gave me.

She nods slowly. 

I look at her with a stern strong look. "I would like to be treated like anyone else in this class. I apologize for being late today, yesterday was my first session in awhile and the side effects will be hitting me hard for the next few days. Soon I should be able to control them better."

Again she nods. "I understand Laura, if you're ever late again or have an emergency for class please feel free to contact me." She sends me a sad smirk and hands me her card with her number and email.

"Thank you professor." We shake hands and I grab my satchel to walk out. I scheduled myself to take one class a day every week. Somehow they allowed me to, so I was ready to go home. I walk out of the classroom only to be met with a familiar smile.

"We must stop meeting like this you know?" She smiles at me causing a small smirk to form on my face.

"I-its strange isn't it. Serendipity?"

"Quite" she begins observing me with a big smile. "Black really suits you, you know?" I nod in agreement to cut the conversation short knowing she was talking about me wearing her jacket.

"I um. I really must be going." 

"Where to cupcake?" She smiles

"I-its Laura," I had no intention of allowing her to use my name but I wasn't sure if she had heard it before.

"I'm aware." She laughs quietly. "I'm sorry, do my nicknames bother you I can st-"

"No no," I say sending her a friendly smile, "I just wasn't sure I-If you.. I mean I figured.." I rub the back of my neck as I watch her smile in amusement at me fumbling to find words.

"Slow down Laura it's okay" she places a gentle hand on my shoulder then quickly removes it. " So um, do you have another class today?"

I shake my head.

"Swell! How about we get a coff-"

"I um, I can't,"

"Oh? Why's that?" She says furrowing her eyebrows in curiosity.

"I've got to um." I try to come up with an excuse for my appointment and come up with a terrible one. "My dad"

"Your. Dad?" She repeats slowly.

"Yes he's um, very sick. I must visit him in the hospital."

Her face softens.  
"I'm sorry Laura. I hope he's alright?"

"He's fine, I just usually visit him throughout the week." I'm such a terrible liar.

"Right." She says firmly. "I could walk you if you'd like-"

"That's okay, I've got my car here thanks anyways Carmilla," I put my hand out to shake and she smiles at it, taking it in hers and slowly shaking it.

"Maybe tomorrow then creampuff?" She says not letting go of my hand. The contact was nice. Her hands were warm and fit well in mine giving me a mushy feeling inside. I feel her thumb tap my hand lightly to bring my attention back to her.  
"You alright?" She says concerned.

"Y-yes," I say removing my hand from hers. "And that's a 'maybe' on tomorrow, I'll have to check my schedule."

Carmilla laughs,  
"Smart, beautiful and busy, you sound like quite the handful" I feel my face heat up so I look at the floor trying to avoid her deep brown eyes.

"See you later cupcake," she nudges my shoulder and walks away, leaving me to smile then frown at realization that I had another session to do.

I can't meet her tomorrow. I refuse to start a friendship. I can't afford one right now..


	5. 'It's a Date'

Laura's POV:

"You're doing great Laura, I'm really proud of you for continuing treatment" Doctor Lafontaine says checking my charts, preparing to release me for the day.

"It wasn't exactly my decision." I smirk.

"Ah yes, that infamous father of yours convinced you I assume?"

I nod.

"Well, I'm glad he did." They smile. "It's good to see you again Laura, though I wish it were under better circumstances." They send me a sad smirk. I smile assuring them that I was okay.

Doctor Lafontaine has been my treatment doctor for over 4 years now. They, along with their wife Perry, were kind of close to me and my dad for awhile. I stopped treatment a year ago and didn't ever think to visit them. I felt bad about it but I needed to get away from here.

"It's nice to see you too doctor Lafontaine-"

"Please, call me Laf, I think we've known each other long enough Laura." They smile and sit beside me. 

"Of course." I send a friendly smile. Laf was one of my best supporters, other than my father, when I started treatment. They were basically my only friend when I started isolating myself. I didn't mind Laf's company at all. They were very friendly and their wife was supportive as well. My father and I would join them for dinner some days when I didn't have treatment. Although that was a year ago and we had hardly talked since, Laf still welcomed me with open arms and Perry still said hi every time she passed by me in the park walking her dogs. It was nice.

"Well I think that's all we have scheduled for you for today. How are you feeling?" they say putting the chart down. 

I grab my jacket.  
"It's a little rough getting back on this. Nausea is definitely something I did not miss." 

They smirk at me.  
"We'll give you some medications to try and help control the symptoms."  
I nod.  
"And how was the first day?"

"It was.." I pause, "actually pretty okay. I was late due to the usual morning sickness but overall it was nice." I smile causing Laf to cheer up. 

"I'm so glad you're going to school Laura, you've got an amazing mind and those writing skills of yours are definitely gonna get you somewhere far in the near future." They say with so much hope in their voice and eyes. 

I just manage a smile. Future. How little I knew about it. It was always changing. I never knew if I'd even make it that far, but I admired their enthusiasm for me to get better.

"Thank you Laf." I say genuinely. "I'll see you Wednesday?"

"You got it Frosh" they smile at me and help me grab my bag. "Take it easy Laura, and drive safe."

With a small smile and wave I walked out the door to my car. It was dark out already and I hadn't visited my spot today due to class so I decided to drive by, grab a coffee, and sit there for awhile. 

When I got to the park with my coffee in hand I noticed a dark figure sitting on my bench. It was strange to see anyone at this time of day but I considered them to be no harm and went to sit down anyways. Without looking at the person on the bench I sat down and looked straight at the sidewalk before me. It was quiet and it was very cold. My coffee warmed my hands and when the rim of the lid touched my lips it gave me a chill. Fall was always one of my favorite times of year. The scents, the sights, the feeling, was absolutely lovely. 

"Evening cupcake" the figure beside me says causing me to jump and bite my tongue. 

"How in the... are you following me?" I say thrown off guard. Carmilla laughs loud.

"No actually." She smiles calmly. "Did I startle you, I'm sorry." She says scooting closer to me to observe me. 

"I'm fine." I say sitting back against the bench. It was quiet now, which I enjoyed. How did this girl always end up near me. This was really starting to get weird. The silence was calming but I couldn't help speaking.

"Are you sure you're not following me?" 

She frowns.

"I'm really not I swear. We just happen to be in the same place at the same time. It's strange but I don't mind." She says putting her hands in the pocket of her jacket. "Besides, your shocked face everytime we meet is quite amusing."

I smile and begin to blush. I quickly snap myself out of it.

"It's just weird I guess." I say playing with the coffee holder wrapped around my cup. 

"I can leave if you'd like?" She says beginning to stand. 

"No it's okay." I shake my head. "I really don't mind." I give her a small awkward smile. It was a public bench after all.

"I should actually be going. I've got some things to take care of." She takes a sip of her coffee. "Still free for tomorrow though?"

I give her a confused 'I'm not sure' kind of look. 

I had almost forgotten she asked to hang out tomorrow. I really shouldn't be allowing myself to hang out with her. Hanging out meant getting close and getting close was not ideal for me. I didn't plan this. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I see her staring at me as if she were lost in thought. She finally opens her mouth to speak,

"Why do I have the feeling you're about to bring chaos to my entire life?"  
She smiles at me. 

Her smile brings warmth to me oddly. The way her lips curl when she's preparing to smile makes me feel some sort of way that I couldn't explain. I hadn't felt this attraction for someone in a long while. I never allowed myself to. The pain it could cause later was always a haunting image in my mind but somehow, she managed to break that wall inside me, forcing me to actually want to give in to her.

"I suppose... I could do tomorrow." I shrug my shoulders and look at her as her smile begins to glow more radiant than before.

Oh dear. Maybe I shouldn't have, I instantly begin to regret my decision.

She puts her hand out for mine and I place it in hers. Her touch was warm and my hands were extremely cold, I hope she didn't mind. To my surprise, she places a gentle kiss on the back of my hand causing me to blush and look down.

"It's a date then creampuff," she winks at me. My head instantly snaps back up to her in confusion

"W-what I didn't.. I mean I.." She laughs at my struggle again.

"Calm down Laura, I'm just teasing you." She laughs letting my hand go. I relax and feel the cold rush back to my hand so I place it around my coffee.   
"I'll see you tomorrow." I nod and she waves walking away.

As painful as this could end, what harm could having at least one friend do. I can't help feel regret for this.

\- - - - -

Carmilla's POV:

 

Well that was adorable. I think to myself walking to my apartment. I was late to go hunting with Mattie, and I knew she'd kill me for that. Oh well. I had a reasonable explanation and didn't regret a thing. 

When I got to my apartment Mattie was there to greet me at the door. 

"Where have you been!?" She says angrily.

"Cool it Mattie, I was occupied." I say opening my door and allowing her to step in first.

"Well it better have been worth it, I'm starving." She says walking into my kitchen. 

"Well help yourself to a blood bag, we can hunt tomorrow night." I place my keys on the table and sit down, relaxing into my sofa with a big smile on my face. 

Mattie walks to the living room and looks at me observingly. 

"What?" I say annoyed.

"Oh no. No no no, Mircalla you did not meet someone did you?" She says crossing her arms.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I turn the TV on to a movie.

"You know better Mircalla. We swore we'd never get too involved with humans. We both know how hard it is to-"

"Mattie I know okay? I'm not getting involved." I say angrily. "So I made a friend, where's the harm in that? Chances are I won't be around long enough to 'be involved' with her anyways." I roll my eyes. It was true. Me and Mattie didn't like staying in the same location for too long so getting involved wasn't an option. "You need to lighten up. I'm just trying to have some fun okay."

"Don't play too long with your food Mircalla" she says standing and walking around the sofa. She bends behind it and whispers in my ear, "because if you play with it for too long, you might grow attatched." She runs her fingertips across my neck causing my back to tense up a bit at her cold touch but I keep a straight face as she stops and stands up fully, smoothing out her clothes.

"See you tomorrow night hun. Don't be late." She says rushing out the door leaving nothing but a gust of wind behind her. 

I sigh and relax into the sofa again. I don't plan on getting involved. I knew it would be a bad idea either way, but I had no intentions of harming her. Mattie was wrong. She wasn't my snack or food, she was a friend. A beautiful adorable friend. I shake my head trying to shake the thoughts. Maybe it was time I was off to bed. I turn the TV off and go to lay in my room.

Mattie needs to lighten up. This really was just for fun.. I mean.. I'm sure it was?


	6. Excuses

Laura's POV:

 

Class was absolutely unbearable today. I had to get up at least 3 times to run to the bathroom and release the contents from last night's dinner. It was always a sad sight. My body wasn't able to handle much recently since I started my sessions. Dr. Laf's pills hadn't come in yet so I had to suffer through this for the rest of the morning. Today's class was Speech, not exactly my ideal class but it was a required subject for my major. The class was small and consisted of a bunch of unfamiliar faces. I wasn't looking forward to getting into actual speeches so I enjoyed the back of the class as best I could. 

"Alright, since it's the first day back, we're not getting into the importance and keys of communication today," you can practically hear the whole class let out a sigh of relief.   
"Yeah yeah, so get out of here you cranky kids" my professor says rolling his eyes and gesturing for the doors. It doesn't take long till everyone's rushing out the door.

As soon as I gather my things I begin walking out of the class until the professor stops me, "are you feeling alright miss Hollis?" He looks at me with concern. Oh right, the note.

I reach into my bag and hand it to him.  
"Before you say anything, yes I'm feeling okay, just started my sessions again. It's going to take some getting used to. Please don't look at me different and I'd like to be treated normally." I smile at him half heartedly as he gives me a confused expression, I begin to walk out, did I cover everything? I turn back around and interrupt him reading the note. "Oh. And I'd like this to stay between me you and the faculty. No one must know." My professor looks up from the paper with a sad, almost apologetic expression and nods.

I sigh and turn around walking out the door. It was frustrating and saddening to see the same expression from everyone I must tell. It wasn't a big secret, and soon it might not even be a secret depending on the side effects of the treatment.   
Maybe I should just quit these classes now. But how would I get my money back? Maybe I should continue class and stop treatment. But how would my dad feel? I sigh walking to my car opening it and placing my books and satchel into the back of it. The sooner I'm out of here the better. I turn around and bump into a familiar smile almost tripping until I feel hands helping me stand straight.

"Woah there, cupcake." She takes her hands off of me and places them up in a 'don't shoot' kind of gesture. "Where you off to in such a hurry?" 

I begin to think of excuses. Any excuse I can to dodge her presence. My dog is sick? Visiting my 'sick' dad? I left the oven on? My stomach was beginning to turn as I stumble on the words in my head. 

Carmilla waves her hand in front of my eyes pulling me from my thoughts.  
"Earth to Laura. You alright there?" She says tilting her head to the side in what seems like concern.  
It was definitely concern. I had seen that look one too many times. I could almost see it in her eyes. Her eyes. I notice how well I could see into them, the color is a dark brown but from this distance I could actually see the little ripples of light brown that surrounded the darker parts of it. 

Oh gosh. Why am I so close?

I step back from her.   
"Y-yeah I'm fine." I say rubbing my arm up and down to relax myself. 

She sends me a confused look and I give her a smirk.  
"I actually wasn't in a rush. Class was just... really boring" Well I wasn't lying at least. 

She smiles at me. It was a gentle one.   
"I understand that a little too well" she sighs. "I'm actually glad I caught you before you left."

"Following me again are we?" I say with a bit of a chuckle. Where did that come from?

She laughs and nudges my shoulder.   
"In your dreams, creampuff." She sends me a witty smile causing a bit of a chill inside of me.  
"Actually I wanted to know where we were going to meet up, since you didn't exactly give me your number." She raises her hand and rubs the back of her neck.

"Oh." I had completely forgotten about that. With the sickness I was feeling in the morning and the nerves I was getting in speech class I hadn't really thought about it, but I couldn't admit that to her.  
"Wherever you'd like to meet I suppose would be great with me."

Carmilla looks at me for a bit as if she's searching for something. I feel my face begin to heat up under her gaze until she speaks,

"Are you sure you're feeling alright Laura?" She asks. 

Why would she ask that? Are my eyes red from the lack of sleep? Does my breath smell from this morning? Did I look ill? Were the side effects starting to show?

"Of course why wouldn't I be?" I say as confident as I can. She still looks concerned but the ends of her lips begin to curl into a smile.

"Great, so I'll meet you at the art gallery around 8?"

The art gallery?

"Um." I contemplate making up another excuse to get out of this but Carmilla speaks again,

"I work today so I figured it'd just be easier for you to meet me there." She smiles with confidence.

"Oh. Yes I'll see you at 8." I say now looking at my hands.   
I really need to come up with an excuse and soon.

"Alright," she says and begins digging through her bag. She pulls out a pen and puts her hand out. I look at her confused and she rolls her eyes with a smirk.

"May I borrow your arm?" She says looking at her hand. I give her a confused look and hand her my left arm. She begins writing what I can only assume to be her number.  
"Call me? When you get to the gallery I mean. It'll just make it easier to find you. We get pretty busy on Tuesdays." 

I look at my arm. Something tells me i won't be able to get out of this so easily.  
I give a small inaudible sigh and nod, sending her a small smile.

"See you later cupcake." She waves and walks away. I slump against the door of my car with a louder sigh once she's out of sight.

What am I gonna do now..

\- - - - - - -

It was 6:30 and I had been staring at my arm with Carmilla's number on it for about 30 minutes straight. I couldn't decide what excuse would sound right enough to get out of meeting her. 

It wasn't fair to her. It's not that I didn't want to meet her, I just couldn't afford to hurt anyone... not again...

I slouch into my couch and flip through the channels. Nothing was on that was worth watching so I turn it off and just allow the silence to consume me.

What if this doesn't end badly? What if the treatment works? You're not going on a date Laura, it's just coffee. But isn't that a date? You can't date, you're not allowed to. A friend couldn't hurt though? But you could hurt a friend.

I sigh and pull my yellow pillow over my face yelling into it. I place it back in its position and look at my arm again.

Maybe we won't have a good time and I'll never have to see her again.

I punch the number into my phone and save her contact for later. 

Maybe..

I stand and begin to get dressed.

\- - - - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

 

This shift was going by unbearably slow. Maybe Mattie was right. We had more money then we could ever need, I didn't need to work. But with me, it wasn't about the money. 

Maybe it was the sense of 'fitting in' that willed me to get the job. Or the priceless art that hung around the walls. I always had a soft spot for art, as well as the sky. It was something Mattie could never understand but she did try. 

I look at the clock. Laura should call any minute now. If she was as punctual as she seems to be.

This was only going to be a temporary thing like it was with most girls. Yet I feel this knot in my stomach. Why?


	7. Maybe.

Laura's POV:

 

I'm late. I look at the time on my watch and sigh.   
8:05  
Maybe my terrible first impression of 'hanging out' will be enough to drive Carmilla away. Maybe she won't even be at the gallery anymore. I pull into the parking lot and park. I contemplate calling Carmilla to ask where she is until I see a girl slumped against the gallery steps with a sketch pad in hand. 

Must be her. 

I walk out of the car locking the doors behind me. Walking towards the steps she doesn't seem to notice me, so I take the time to observe her.  
Dressed in all black, her lazy curls falling down the sides of her shoulders. Her facial expression was hard and concentrated on the sketch pad before her. She looked.. warm? The light from the posts of the gallery was hitting her face just right. The shadow shades in her cheekbones and her lips are perfectly outlined for my view. 

I finally reach her and wave my hand at her. She picks her head up from the sketchpad and rips her headphones out.

"H-hey" I say feeling the cold air breezing against my face. Everything felt cold, my hands especially.

"Hey you." She smiles. 

"Sorry I'm late I had to.. um." I hadn't really thought of a reason to be late. I play with my hands trying to warm them and come up with an excuse until she laughs.

"Don't worry about it. I made my time here useful." She says gesturing to her sketch pad. I tilt my head to look at it but she closes it.  
"Uh-uh. It's a secret." she smiles widely and I nod with a small smile. 

"Want to walk to the nearest coffee shop?" She says placing her stuff in her bag and standing before me.

"S-sure." I say raising my hands up to my mouth and blowing warm air into them. I place my hands in my jean pockets to try and conceal the warmth but it doesn't last long.

"You cold creampuff?" She says looking at my hands. 

"No." Yes.

She shakes her head and pulls a pair of gloves out of her bag and hands them to me. I look at her.

"C'mon. I don't bite" she says shaking the gloves in my face. I take them and send her a friendly smile as a thank you.  
"My jacket, now my gloves. You know at this rate I'll have you wearing all my clothes in no time." She sends me a wink and begins walking ahead of me.

I feel my cheeks heat up as I walk after her. She's really gotta stop this. 

A comfortable silence falls over us as we reach the coffee shop ordering our coffee and taking a seat.

Sitting across from each other we sip our coffee in silence. I wonder what she's thinking.

She pulls out her sketch pad again and sits back in her seat picking her feet up till they are on the front of her chair. Her knees, close to her chest, form an easel in her lap as she places her sketch pad against her thighs. I give her a confused look but choose to ignore it.

"So" she says placing her pencil against her lips. "Tell me about yourself, Laura." She looks at me amused and begins placing her pencil on her paper. 

What could I say. 

"There's um, not much to say." I take a sip of my coffee. Silence falls over us again as she sketches away. At this rate they'll definitely never hang out again. There was a question lingering in the back of my mind since the night started. I wanted to break the silence but was I willing to disturb Carmilla's concentration? My mouth seemed to work faster than my mind.

"Why did you bring me here?" Carmilla's faces snaps up from her sketch pad and I feel my face heat up. That came out wrong.  
"I-I mean, what made you want to hang out with me?" Smooth Laura, real smooth.

Carmilla smiles trying not to laugh at my question.   
"A pretty girl like me can't be friends with a pretty girl like you?" She says with curiosity and sarcasm hidden in her smile. I rub my hands together under the table. The gloves were bringing my hands too much warmth due to the heat of the moment causing my palms to sweat, so I take them off and place them on the table. 

"It's not that it's just.." I trail off looking at her concentrated face. Her nose was scrunched up and the tip of her tongue threatened to dart out of her slightly parted lips. It was kind of cute.

"It's just?" Carmilla repeats without taking her eyes off the paper before her. I shake my head to bring myself back into the conversation.

"I'm not exactly a 'people' person and you seem so.."

"Confident?" She smiles finally looking up from her drawing.

"Social." I correct her. She laughs at this. 

"Hardly." She says taking a sip of her coffee and going back to her drawing. I send her another confused look, and although she can't see it she explains anyways.  
"I'm no where near a 'people' person sweetheart. I can hardly stand them."

I look at my hands with more confusion. I don't believe that for a second. 

"Then why me?" I say not removing my gaze from my hands. I hear her shift in her seat.

"Tell me something, Laura," she says emphasizing the L in my name and ignoring the question. I nod now looking at her and she places her elbows on the table, leaning forward on it. Her face now inches away from mine. I gulp at the sudden lack of distance, tensing up and sitting straight as she continues. "Why not you?" She raises an eyebrow and I slump in my seat. 

"That's not fair. That's answering a question with a question." I pout a little. Force of habit.

"You're the one who started with the questions, cupcake. I wasn't aware there were rules to our conversation." She laughs and falls back in her seat, continuing to draw. 

"It's just.. I'm not good company. I don't really talk much and-"

"Maybe that should change." She interrupts me. I fidget with my fingers.

It can't change. It's the easiest way to shut people away. It was the easiest way to avoid having to talk about what's going on with her health, life, and past. 

Carmilla keeps looking up from her sketch pad at me then back at the sketch pad. 

"So you're a mystery, huh?" She says placing the pencil against her lips again. A curious grin shows her beautifully whitened teeth.

"I wouldn't say that exactly." I just preferred to stay to myself. 

"Then talk to me." She looks back at her drawing and tilts her head.   
"Go on. Enlighten me."

I sigh looking at the clock. It was almost 10 and I had class tomorrow. A perfectly valid excuse.

"Don't you think it's getting late?" I say trying to make my way out of the conversation. She sighs.

"Got a bed time or something?" She teases and I frown with a little frustration.

"No. Just class."

"Right right. Wouldn't wanna be late to English twice in a row, huh?" 

If she knew that being late the first day was out of my control I could almost guarantee she wouldn't have made that joke. 

"Right." I say with a stern face ignoring her sarcasm. I begin to stand from my seat. 

Carmilla sighs and closes her sketchpad carrying it in her hands as we grab our coffee and walk back to the gallery.

"You know, you don't have to walk me. I can handle it."

"I'm sure you can cupcake, but my car's actually parked around the corner of the gallery." She smirks at me as I feel my face heat up with embarrassment. 

"Oh. sorry." 

Carmilla shrugs as we walk side by side.  
We reach the parking lot and she walks me all the way to my car for some odd reason.

"Well. Thank you, for the coffee." I fumble with my keys trying to unlock my car door. "And walking me to my car?" I say questionably.

"Anytime." She opens her sketch pad and rips out her newest creation from it.  
"You realize this isn't over right?"

I frown and look at her with confusion.

"I'm a psychology major remember? Meaning you and the mystery behind your mind will not go unsolved. At least, not while I'm around." She folds the paper she sketched on and places it in my hands.   
"Keep the gloves. It might be cold again tomorrow." She smiles. "See you in class, cutie." She turns around and walks away.

Once she's around the corner I feel the tension in my shoulders unwind and I can breathe easy again. I get in my car and sit in silence for a moment remembering the paper she handed me. I unfold it only to reveal the one thing I didn't expect.

It's a sketch of me..

I look at it carfully. She was a good artist. I smile at it until I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach as reality hits me. 

This is going to be.. painful.. yet.. maybe not..


	8. Two Words We All Hate

Laura's POV:

My alarm blares off beside my bed. I lean over to shut it off and lay in bed with my eyes shut contemplating going to class at all. I sigh and decide to get up anyways. I knew if I didn't go to class I'd still have to go to my session. 

I change into some warm clothes sliding my beanie on to cover up my messy bed head. I fix my curls in the mirror when my gaze lands on the paper from last night. I find myself smiling at the picture before me. I couldn't explain why but it gave me a sense of warmness inside. I then notice Carmilla's gloves beside the picture. I should really return them.

I grab them and fiddle with them in my hands. I place it on my hand as if her hand was filling it and lace my fingers with it. I didn't realize what I was doing until my cheeks began to hurt from smiling. I shake my head out of whatever fantasy I was having and drop my smile sliding them on my hands. They fit perfectly. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I send my hands a small smile and grab my bag heading to my car.

\- - - - - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

 

Mattie was starting to get aggrivated with my absence these past few days. I didnt feel like hunting with her last night so she decided to try and guilt trip me into skipping class to go to some festival a few towns over, which I had no interest in. 

"Mircalla this isn't fair." She says circling me. "This will be the third time you blow me off you know?" She says standing before me now. I sigh. She wasn't wrong. "Just go with me today. It'll be fun! Not to mention you owe me for that terrible poetry night."

I raise an annoyed eyebrow at her terrible attempt to convince me.   
"Firstly, the poetry night was Your idea. Not to mention you left early." She rolls her eyes. I had a good time, I think to myself not daring to admit it to her. "And secondly, I'm sorry for being busy lately Mattie. You know how it goes. Once school starts I'm a little.." I stop to raise a smile. "Preoccupied."

She begins walking slowly towards the door. "Of course. How could i forget. You and your pets." She sighs in annoyance.

"Oh please," I scoff, "Don't act like I don't allow you to have them once I'm done with them." I go to stand in between the door and her. 

She brings her hand to her chin rubbing her thumb slowly down her jawline while lost in thought. "I suppose there is a little fun for me in your devious habits." A smile forms on her face and I know I've officially gotten out of having to go to the festival. "Fine. Run along. Play human." She waves her hands towards the door in a motion that's telling me to leave. "I can't wait to see what you bring to me this time around."

I grab my bag and walk out the door ignoring her words. 

My habits weren't something I was proud of. I didn't always allow Mattie to hurt humans. It wasn't exactly my favorite thing to do either. Of course it was easy for me to use them when I needed the warm bed or didn't want to spend the night alone. Mattie just liked the easy catch after I cut them loose from me. And when I say cut them loose, I mean when I broke communication with them or stopped using them for my own selfish needs of course. To Mattie it was a game. To me it was a personal need. To us both, it was temporary. These 'pets' lasted no more than 2 weeks and I had no personal connection with them. It wasnt until recent that I started this ugly habit. No one getting close enough to break the cycle. 

It was the ugliest part of me. The only part of me I didn't allow anyone to change. 

\- - - 

I walk into class late ignoring the disapproving look the professor gives me. He should know my late habits by now anyways. On my way to my seat I see Laura's desk before me. Her eyes are focused in writing her notes. I tap her desk while passing by and when she looks up I send her a wink before sitting in my seat. I could practically feel the heat from her newly red cheeks from all the way in the back of the class. 

I'll have her wrapped around my finger in no time.

Tapping my pencil against my desk I sigh and watch as the professor goes off on a rant about old time literature and how times have changed.

Ha. They sure have.

\- - - - - - -

Laura's POV:

 

Carmilla showed up late and still somehow managed to make me blush within the seconds she walked through the door. It's not normal and it was starting to bug me. I was allowing her to get comfortable with toying with my shy habits. It had to stop. Before I could think of a way to end this I hear the two words I knew had the possibility of stinging in my ears since the day I signed up for classes.

"Partner up"

I feel a knot in my throat and my stomach drop as everyone around me began to scramble for a partner. I kept my head low in hopes of maybe not having a partner until a boy who was way taller than me dressed in an untucked Polo Shirt and khakis walked in front of my desk. 

I look up to see the boys face as he smiles down at me.

"Hey hottie" My cheeks flush.  
"Wanna partner up? It'll be fun" he emphasizes the words 'Fun' on the tip of his tongue and I feel a little strange. He looked harmless but the smile he had was quite suggestive. Before I could speak I was being spoken for.

"No can do Zeta dweeb, she's with me." 

I shift and turn around in my desk to see Carmilla standing behind me with a hand on my chair.

Oh boy..

"I think the little hottie can speak for herself Carm-sexy." He rolls his eyes looking at me now. I feel Carmilla's hands tighten on the chair as if she was trying not to form a fist. Her eyes almost giving off a shade of red as if she's about to go off on a rampage. I didn't want conflict or any more attention than these two were showing me so I decide to speak for myself before Carmilla's lips begin to part to form words.

"I um.. I actually promised her I'd be her partner. I'm sorry." I say looking up at him seeing his face change into a bit of an annoyed one. He looks up at Carmilla as she smirks confidently towards him.

He rolls his eyes.  
"Whatever dude. There are plenty of hotties around here." He lightly pushes against my desk and walks away. 

Carmilla doesn't allow him to have the last words,  
"Have fun finding them, beef head!" She yells from across the room. Her slim figure slumps down into the seat next to mine.  
"You made the right decision you know?"

I tilt my head at her in confusion.  
Did I really?..

"He likes to use the girls in this class for their brains and grades. Sometimes even their bodies."   
I tense up at those last words.  
"If you picked him you would have been stuck with all the work. Not to mention his annoying presence." She says picking at her nails.

"Oh.." I sigh now knowing that at least he wouldn't have tried to get to know me personally. Maybe I picked the wrong choice.

"Alright now settle down everybody." The professor looks around the class making sure everyone had a partner. He nods and paces back and forward.   
"The project is simple. An essay. We've all written them before yes?" The class stays silent.  
"Right. Well instead of doing my usual 'Write an essay about yourself and turn it in at the end of the 2nd semester of English I' paper, I decided to change it up."

I didn't like where this was heading.

"So. Get comfortable kids, because the partner you just chose is the partner you will be stuck with for the 2 semesters that this class has to offer." He smiles at the bunch of groans the class sends him. I see Carmilla raise an eyebrow from my peripheral vision and I can't help but fidget with my hands in nervousness. 

There was no way out of this. I was stuck. With Carmilla. Spending time with her only for the sake of the project. 

"You will learn about your partner. Bond with them. See them through a new perspective. Then you will write to me about them. As if you were introducing me to them. It can be however long you'd like. It's the detail that will determine your grade. And this shall be your replacement final."

The class kind of warms up to the idea of not having a final test but I still feel cold about it.

I couldn't be stuck with her. I shouldn't be stuck with anyone. 

"Well looks like the mystery that is Laura Hollis shall be solved after all." She looks at me with her lips pressed tight. Her arms were tightly crossed against her chest as she leaned back in her chair. I didn't see any signs of comfort from her either.

Carmilla and Laura's thought:  
Looks like I'm stuck with her longer than I thought. 

\- - - - - - 

"So. Want to get some coffee and start figuring out a strategy for this stupid project?" Carmilla asks as we walk out of English. I almost forget I had sessions until the alarm on my phone went off reminding me.

"As tempting as that sounds" I sigh turning it off. "I've gotta run." I begin to pick up my pace waving bye to Carmilla but she catches up to me.

"Where to creampuff? Mind if I tag along?" I slow down my pace and we settle into a slow walk beside each other.

"I've got to... my dad remember?" I honestly hated this lie.

"He's still in the hospital? I'm sure they won't mind if I tag along, especially if it won't take long."

They honestly wouldn't mind me bringing company, but it was a lie. It was all a lie. My dad was in the best shape of his life a couple of towns over. I didn't want her to know I had Chemo sessions. She didn't need to know anything. Think Laura think.

"Right. No. It's just... they only allow family to visit him and I um.." I stop in front of her. "I don't think we look the least bit similar so.."

Carmilla looks at my face as I try not to fidget under her gaze. She was looking for something in it. Possibly the signs that I was lying to her. As if her gaze wasn't enough to make me nervous, lying was not something I was good at. I held my breath to keep still. She finally looks away from my eyes and sighs.

"Listen, cupcake. I don't want to do this project any more than you do. If it was up to me I wouldn't even be trying right now but" She runs a frustrated hand through her hair, "I thought maybe you cared about your grade so I decided to try. If you don't want to do this that's fine. I'll write your paper about me and you'll write mine about you okay?" 

Her words stung. They were cold and uncaring. Why should they sting? Why wouldn't they be cold? I was just a stranger to her and I was trying to avoid her after all. She grabs her sketch pad from her backpack and waits for my reply. I was a bit frozen from her words. Did I come off that harsh with my lies?

I look at my hands that are still wearing her gloves and frown taking off the left one and putting it out to her. She looks at it then at me in confusion. 

"I'm not trying to avoid you. I really do have to be at the hospital in a few hours." I pause. "F-for my dad." She nods with a raised eyebrow and I finally give in. "But.. I suppose we could meet up Saturday to plan this out." 

Carmilla's face doesn't change from the hard expression she had before. She nods in agreement and grabs the glove.

"What's with giving me just one glove?" She asks with a confused and amused expression on her face.

"I guess.." I smile a little. "You'll just have to figure it out Saturday won't you."

Her hard face softens as her lips curl into a smirk. Seeing her smile allowed the air to flow back into my lungs normally as if everything before me was at balance again. 

"You're killing me Hollis." She smiles and begins walking past me. Before she got out of earshot I cup my hands to my mouth and yell,

"I'll text you the details!" She raises a thumbs up without stopping or turning around. 

There was no stopping the inevitable project so,   
why not go along with it.  
Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys happen to make fan art (which would be EXTREMELY AWESOME, you can find me on Wattpad and PM me!: AddlctWlthAPen
> 
> OR you can use the tag 
> 
> #turnawaycarmilla 
> 
> On tumblr for me to see! :)
> 
> I'm also listed as AddlctWlthAPen on tumblr :)


	9. 'You've made your bed,..

It was Saturday morning and I was feeling sicker than usual. The pills Laf prescribed to me weren't helping in the slightest and I hadn't moved an inch in my bed since I had woken up. 

My body was cold and the weather didn't help. It was 20 degrees colder outside than it usually was and the snow was calmly drizzling down outside leaving me no choice but to stay inside. Although my body would probably not agree with me, I still planned on sitting on my bench tonight. Me and that thing were practically inseparable. 

I laid in bed trying to control the awful churning in my stomach. My body shaking due to the temperature and the sudden feeling of weakness inside of me. I didn't miss this feeling at all. I somehow always managed to hide these side effects while in high school but since it had been awhile since I last did a session, getting back onto them as an adult was much harder.

I turn to my phone and look at the time. 2 P.M. I couldn't go out this afternoon. I slid to the side of my bed and dangled my feet off of it while sitting up. I try to stand but my body begins to ache so I sit back down. 

"Come on Laura." Placing my hands on my knees I sit there for a bit. I grab my phone and start typing a message.

Laura (2:10): Hey Carmilla, it's Laura.

Carmilla (2:15): So, the cupcake lives?

I smirk and roll my eyes.

Carmilla (2:15): Kidding. Texting me to arrange times I'm assuming?

Laura (2:17): Haha. Well actually about that..

Carmilla (2:20): Oh no. You're not bailing on me again.

Laura (2:21): I actually have a legitimate reason

Carmilla (2:22): Lets hear it then.

Laura (2:25): I'm feeling incredibly sick this evening.

Carmilla (2:25): Nice try, cutie. Give me your address.

I frown at her not believing me. 

Laura (2:26): I'm being honest!

Carmilla (2:29): Then you wouldn't mind if I stop by, would you.

I sigh. I really wasn't in the mood for this. 

Laura (2:30): I don't want to get you sick Carmilla.

I knew it was kind of impossible to get her sick since these were just side effects but I really wasn't feeling up for this. Not to mention my place was a total mess.

Carmilla (2:31): Address now, excuses later. 

She wasn't giving up. I sigh and give her my address.

Laura (2:35): Come at you're own risk. You've been warned.

Carmilla (2:37): Whatever you say cupcake. I'll be there in 30. ;) 

I guess this was really happening. I throw my phone across my bed and lay back for a bit allowing my stomach to try and settle. 

She's coming and I'm a mess. I should really get up now. 

I sit up and find the strength to stand. When I feel a little easier on my feet I begin cleaning up my apartment. Putting my medications and any forms and documents about my treatment into a box and sliding it under my bed. She'll have no reason to look under there so they were well hidden. I close the door to my room not even bothering to fix my bed and start cleaning off my kitchen table. 

My stomach still felt queasy. My knees were a little shaky but I managed to stand better than before. I place my journal and pencils on the kitchen table and before I could actually take time to sit down there was a knock on the door. 

Looking up at my kitchen clock I notice she's right on time. 

I shuffle to the door. Before I open it I take one more deep breath to try and calm my stomach down. I twist the knob and open the door. Carmilla was leaning against the door frame with a takeout bag in her hand, her backpack on her shoulder and a small smile on her face. 

"Hey cutie." She says looking me up and down. I felt shy under her gaze.

"H-hey Carmilla." 

"Exactly how sick are you?" She raises an eyebrow at me.

I frown and give her an upset look. Did she honestly still not believe me?  
"Why do you ask?"

"Well." She walks forward causing me to step back a bit until we're both through the door.  
"You're still dressed in your night clothes, which I'm not totally against by the way." She smiles and my cheeks start to burn. "Which must mean you've been in bed all day."

I look at my appearance. My hair was a bit of a mess and I really was still wearing my plaid pajama bottoms and long sleeve Dr. Who night shirt. 

"Right. I should change shouldn't I?"

"No no. It's your house. Stay comfy and warm." She says walking past me.  
"Besides. You're kind of cute." A smile forms on her face as she places the take out bag and her backpack on the table. I feel my face heat up.  
"I mean, you know, for someone who's sick or whatever."

I roll my eyes to avoid showing any sign of a smile or amusement in her compliment. At least I think it was a compliment?  
"Um, thanks." I say closing the door and walking to sit in the kitchen.   
"So I was thinking maybe we could split the work u-"

"Ah. Before you go all 'workaholic' on me." She pulls out a container and spoon and places it in front of me leaving me to look at it with curiosity.  
"I ordered you some soup." 

I begin smiling at the gesture and she tries to cover up her sense of caring with another excuse.

"Since the coffee shop was on my way here and I figured, if you really were sick you'd probably need it." My stomach flips in a nasty way making a very audible noise causing her to look at me. "Which it seems you haven't eaten much today according to your stomach."

I frown. My stomach would never allow me to hold in anything I ate these days. My weight would soon start to show this but for now I was still around my usual weight. Maybe 2 pounds lighter. 

"That was kind of you. Thank you." I say looking at the soup. 

She shrugs.   
"It was nothing." She pulls out a journal and pen and starts writing something down trying to ignore the smile on my face. 

I open the soup and look at it with hopefulness. Maybe if I ate it slow it won't come back up? What if I eat too much and it all comes back? What if I eat too little and waste the money she's spent on it?

"It doesn't bite you know." Carmilla says looking over her journal at me. I nod and look at her.   
"Is it too hot? I could put it in the fridg-"

"Did you really not believe I was sick?" I frown at her trying to change the subject. She sighs and places her journal down on the table. 

"It's not that I didn't-" I give her a saddened look and she looks like she's at war with her thoughts and my gaze. With a sigh she speaks again  
"I just thought maybe you were trying the avoid me again for some reason."

Should have figured..

"I'm sorry Carmilla. With my um.. dad being in the hospital and all, most of my time is spent there." 

She nods and shrugs her shoulders reaching for her pen. I don't understand what comes over me next, but I place my hand over hers before she can move it. Her eyes slowly look up from our hands and meets my gaze.

"I promise I'm not trying to avoid you." After saying these words I try to decipher her facial expression but it was still. Her lips her stuck without showing the hint of a smile. Her eyes never left mine. Her hand was warm under mine. It felt like an intense stare off. I wonder what she's thinking.. As we stared there in silence for a bit I finally see her face give off a hint of her thoughts but it wasn't what I expected. It was a worried expression.

"Laura are you okay?" 

I didn't realize how focused I was on trying to figure her out until she said my name. I feel a warm liquid starting to run down my nose to the top of my lip.

"Laura your nose is bleeding," Carmilla's voice sounds pained as she bites her bottom lip hard as if she was trying to conceal something inside of her.

Oh no...

I quickly remove my hand from Carmilla's and cover my nose. She stays frozen for a bit concentrating on the blood. I see her shake her head and walk to the counter grabbing tissues and running back to me. 

"Here let me-"

"I've got it thank you." I say grabbing the tissues from her and placing them on my nose.

"Are you okay?" She says staring me in the eyes and avoiding looking at my nose.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. This happens often when I.." I pause to think of an excuse. "When I possibly have a fever."

Carmilla's eyebrow raises. Does she believe me?

"What, you've never seen a little blood before?" I laugh nervously, my comment causes her to give me a small but gentle smile.

"You have no idea." She says leaving me confused but I'm too focused on my nose to really question her response. 

I walk to my restroom and clean myself up while Carmilla waits at the table. 

What was that even about? I was touching her hand? The stare?   
I tried to blur the whole moment out of my head and finish cleaning myself up. When I fix my hair a bit better I walk to the kitchen to find Carmilla gone. 

Where did she..

I hear my TV go off in the living room causing me to jump. I walk to the living room to see her slumped against my couch.

"Decided to make yourself at home I see?" I say leaning against the door frame. She isn't startled at all by voice.

Carmilla laughs and raises a thumbs up.   
"Come sit down cupcake. We can just watch a movie for the remainder of the day. You shouldn't have to work while you're sick. We'll figure this out some other time." 

I walk around my couch and sit on the other side of it, leaving a few inches between me and Carmilla. 

"I'm alright honestly-"

"You don't have to act tough around me cutie. You're sick. You should relax."

I give her a small smile and look at the screen.   
"I suppose a few hours of TV won't hurt."

She smiles handing me my soup as we sit in a comfortable silence for the rest of the day. Her presence brought warmth to my usually cold and empty apartment so I didn't mind it at all. She'd get up to grab me a few things like a blanket and more warm liquids, which I was surprisingly able to hold down for the rest of her visit. She seemed like such a broody uncaring person towards others but not towards me for some reason.. Today I saw a different side of her. Sure she did give me a jacket and gloves, but today it was different. Today she was different. 

Before we knew it it was 7:30 and Carmilla had prior engagements she had to attend to, or at least that's what she said. I walk her to my door and open it for her.

She stood outside the door for a bit in silence. It could have just been my dizzy tired vision messing with me but she looked almost.. nervous? She played with the single glove in her hand then finally broke the silence.

"So. Do I get to know why I was given this?" She raises the glove to me with a curious smile on her face. I nod.

"Right. Well, this may sound cliché but hear me out, and don't you dare laugh."

Her smile becomes playful and amused as she nods.

"I figured.. I mean.. well it was my way of making a promise." I stumble on my words and she tries not to laugh.

"A promise?"

I nod.  
"To compromise. A writer doesn't always need two hands to write." I grab the glove I kept. "But I always have needed both. Especially since I write with my right hand. And without my right hand.." I point to her glove. "My left wouldn't exactly be able to get much done correctly now would it?" I raise my left glove and put it on.

She smiles that radiant heart warming smile and I almost feel my knees give out.

"And here I was thinking I was the philosophy And psychology major." She says putting her right glove on. She places her hand out to me for me to shake and I do with the left gloved hand.   
"You have not ceased to surprise me Laura Hollis." Our hands hang on for a few seconds before letting go.

I'm just full of surprises..

"I'll see you soon Carmilla."

"You can count on it, cupcake" she smiles and shoves her hands into the front pockets of her black jeans while walking off. I wait until she's in the elevator to close my door. When it's shut I turn around and lean my back against it slowly sliding to the ground with a smile on my face. My palm still felt warm from her touch and her scent still filled my cold appartments air. 

What am I getting myself into.


	10. Now Lay In It.'

Carmilla's POV:

 

Carmilla (12:15 A.M.): How's your head, cutie? Didn't come to class again today so I thought I'd check on you.

Laura (12:16): Better now actually, thanks again for the soup this weekend, it was really kind of you.

Carmilla (12:17): It was nothing really. Get a chance to check out those movies I suggested? 

Laura (12:18): No actually I've been super busy. :/ I'm sorry.

Carmilla (12:20): That's okay cupcake, maybe we could make time this weekend? 

Laura (12:30): Oh, I'll have to check my schedule.

Carmilla (12:32): I mean, we've still got to finish figuring out our project plans firstly.

Laura (12:33): Right, no, you're right. How's Saturday sound? 

Carmilla (12:35): sounds good, just let me know the time details when you can? You know, with your 'busy schedule' and all.

Carmilla (12:35): Speaking of time, what are you doing up cupcake, don't you have a bedtime or something?

Laura (12:36): Ha-Ha, very funny. -_- I actually don't have a bedtime, and for your information I couldn't sleep well earlier. Stomach bug, but I think it's starting to wear down.

Carmilla (12:40): That's too bad, I was planning on threatening to bring you soup again. ;)

Laura (12:42): Soup at almost 1 in the morning? You're ridiculous :) what are you doing up at this time anyways? 

Carmilla (12:43): I guess I'm a 'creature of the night' kind of person. Sleep doesn't exactly come easy for myself but that's okay. The night's where the fun happens. ;)

Laura (12:45): I'll take your word for it haha. :) I'm going to sleep now. Talk to you soon Carmilla, goodnight! 

Carmilla (12:45): Sleep tight creampuff. I'll see you soon.

I smile at my phone and sigh. 

"You've been on that thing all day Mircalla, you hate technology?" Mattie says looking at me. I drop my smile and allow my face to become a firm broody one. We had just finished hunting and were walking side by side to my apartment for some wine.

"It's for a project Mattie."

She scoffs. "Please. Since when do you care about getting assignments done on time? Don't you usually throw things together a few days after they're due anyways? You're pretty good at making stuff up."

"Well I can't exactly make up what my partner's personality is, now can I?"

She sends me a curious look.

"So you're saying, you have to get to know someone and write about them?"

"Tragic isn't it?" 

She smiles deviously. "Don't act like you're not enjoying it."

"Excuse me?" I say stopping my steps. She turns to me stopping too.

"Come on Mir, You're playing with that stupid gadget more often than you used to" she points at the pocket holding my phone, "not to mention you're smiling everytime you look at the piece of glass." She rolls her eyes as I scoff.  
Was I really?

"You're delusional." I nudge her and walk past her.

"Whatever you say dear Mircalla. Just be careful." 

"I am careful!" I turn to her with anger and she smiles at me without flinching at my anger. 

"Good. Then you wouldn't mind me using whoever it is behind that screen for my own personal fountain drink now would you?" She raises an eyebrow letting her fangs out in her smile.

I blow hot air from my mouth and roll my eyes walking off again.

"Dont forget where you stand Mircalla! I'll enjoy the snack when the time comes!" I hear her yell from a distance. I didn't care for her one track mind. All she ever wanted to do was feed. Feed off this, feed off that. It was tiring and we never saw eye to eye. This was one of the biggest things separating me from Mattie. It never really bothered me before.. I don't understand why it does now.

I walk past Laura's apartment building and find myself smiling. It was almost 2 A.M. and I had the urge to go up there. An urge to knock on her door and stay with her. I brush it off and think of it as my normal "need for someone" urge. This 'need' was the reason I went out to clubs and different areas bringing back 'pets'. I just wanted the warm body to lay with. The company. That's all Laura was afterall. A warm body. I sigh and let my smile drop. 

Maybe Mattie was right. Was I getting too caught up in this? It was amusing to see the girl get so flustered around me. This would only be temporary anyways. I should be having fun with it but I found myself taking it slow. Something about Laura always threw me off. She was quiet and not as open as all the other girls I used. I couldn't hear her heart from a mile away like I could with everyone else, which I still found odd? She was such a.. well a mystery. Maybe that's why I found myself so caught up in her. She was different. I would be lying if I said I didn't find it kind of interesting. Tempting, even. But I should lie to myself. Getting too close could only end it destruction.

But... aren't I doomed anyways?

"Ugggh." I say leaning my forehead against the outside of my apartment door. "It's time to stop thinking now Carmilla, you stupid vampire" I say out loud to myself. I close my eyes for a bit. 

Please stop thinking..

I open my eyes and realize there's mail on the floor. 

"Great." I sigh looking at the usual penmanship I found at my doorstep. No matter where I went, no matter what I did, she always seemed to find me. I pick up the letter to read the front of it.

To: My dearest Mircalla  
From: Your Restless Mother

Could she be any more dramatic. I roll my eyes and open the door to my apartment, throwing the letters in a desk drawer where I threw them all. It had been years, actually decades, since I had seen or talked to her and I wasn't going to change that now.

I look at my phone

Thursday, October 20th

Could Saturday come faster please?

I throw my phone beside my pillow and close my eyes willing myself to sleep. 

Maybe I could hibernate until saturday? 

\- - - - - - - - 

The sun beamed through my shades causing me to wake up. I guess when a vampire forces themselves to sleep it's kind of hard to force themselves to wake up as well. I stretch on my bed looking at my phone. 

"Late for work. Might as well not go" I laugh to myself and check my messages. I had 5 from.. Laura?

Laura (1:08): Hey Carmilla, I had some spare time today and thought you'd want to get a coffee? :)

Laura (1:08): Maybe around 3?

Laura (1:15): For the project of course!

Laura (1:18): Not that you'd think otherwise..

Laura (1:18): I think I should stop blowing up your phone now haha, let me know when you can! :)

I smirk at her effort. I can already see the blush on her face after sending me those messages. I check the time again. 2:48. 

What's the harm in a little coffee?

I start to type a message

Carmilla (2:29): See you there, cutie.

I should probably get up to change, I think to myself rolling off my bed.

\- - - - - 

When I reach the coffee shop I spot Laura at the same table we sat at when we first got coffee together. 

I walk in and go straight to the counter ordering my coffee. Once I have it in my hand I go over to Laura and tap her shoulder.

"Evening, cupcake"

She does a small hop in her seat and turns to me.

"Hi Carmilla" she says with a small smile. I take the seat in front of her and place my bag beside me.

"Feeling better I see?" My eyes wander her up and down.

"The bug seems to have passed." She says happily. "My immune system isn't the greatest with this weather." Laura begins fidgeting with her hands after speaking. It's a little odd but I brush it off as a nervous habit.

"Well then I guess you should bundle up a little better creampuff. It's only going to be early November meaning the weather's going to be much worse later." She nods now playing with the paper napkin under her coffee cup.

"So, about the project-"

"Let's go adventuring?" I say interrupting her.

"Adventuring?" Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

"Sure, why not? We've got months to do this project. Plus it's supposed to be written about each other sooo"

Laura gives me an uneasy look. She seems so fragile. Her hair was neatly done with a beanie and she had herself covered up in her own jacket this time.

"Consider this your opportunity to learn about me, for the project?" I say, knowing we'd learn absolutely nothing about me by doing this. I just wanted to get away from having to do work, I was not in the mood for work. 

"A-alright. I suppose we could waste a little time" she says with a tired looking smirk.

"Now we're talking!" I stand and put my backpack on then grab her hand gently and pull us out of the coffee shop in a fast walk. She almost drops her bag due to me rushing. I wanted to get out of there before she decided to change her mind.

"Anywhere you'd like to go first cupcake?" I feel her warm hand in mine, oh crap, forgot to let go. I let go of her hand and put mine in my pockets to try and act like I never grabbed hers to begin with. Hers slide onto the strap of her satchel.

"Weren't you the one asking to go on an adventure? Shouldn't you be planning it?" She laughs nervously.

"Ever heard of the term 'ladies first' cupcake?" 

Laura rolls her eyes and smiles.

"Aren't you a lady though?"

"Touché. Still, I've got no clue where to begin so you can choose."

"W-well, there is something I've been meaning to do."

"Perfect, let's do it then!"

She sends me a smile and leads the way.


	11. Making Plans

Laura's POV:

 

"Okay. When I said 'Adventuring' I didn't think we'd end up here, cupcake." Carmilla says pointing at the store before her. Her face looked very unamused with my choice.

"Not a fan of Halloween stores?" I laugh at her confused face. 

"Halloween's my favorite holiday actually, just wasn't expecting you to care much for it." She shrugs her shoulders.

I wasn't sure whether to be offended or not. I was a quiet person after all, but who doesn't love Halloween?

"Well, I usually dress up for Halloween and hand out candy at my.." I pause. "...at my dad's house.. but with him being in the hospital and all, I just haven't found the time to get a costume so-"

"So you decided to bring our adventure here?" She says raising an eyebrow at me.

"Hey, what happend to the 'ladies first' attitude?" I say nudging her shoulder with mine. "Besides, you can help me pick one."

I see an amused smile start to form on her face. 

"How enticing. Well," She opens the door to the Halloween store for me, "after you." She gestures for me to walk in. I nod and walk through the door with her close behind.

"Anything specific you might be looking for creampuff? OH! How about this?" She grabs a very revealing nurse costume. I scrunch my face.  
"What? Too pure for it?" She teases as I roll my eyes.

"A-actually, I'm looking for something," I take the costume and put it back "a little less revealing."

"PG-13 huh? How incredibly dull." She says with a sigh walking around me to the next rack of costumes.

"I just don't think revealing myself for the enjoyment of others is ideal. Especially if the people looking at me begin to objectify me by it just because I'm a woman, or maybe even just see me as sex object. It's degrading to woman-"

"Slow down creampuff, I didn't realize I offended you." She interrupts me while trying on a Mad Hatter Hat. 

"No I just.. it's complicated." I say sighing and continue looking through costumes until Carmilla places her hand over mine causing me to freeze. My gaze falls on hers and I can see the softness in her eyes but tension in her shoulders.

"Hey, I was only kidding. You're right, I shouldn't have joked like that, I'm sorry." I feel her hands warmth over mine. We stand there for a bit just looking at each other until I finally allow my mind to process her words.

"No no, you didn't offend me at all, it's okay, really." I send her a smile and I instantly see the tension in her shoulders release. It wasn't until I look at our hands that she realizes hers is still on mine. She let's go and places the hand on the back of her neck rubbing it.

Is she.. blushing? No.. she can't be.

"Well now that that's over with" she interrupts my thoughts, "How about a movie character costume?" Before I could speak she was walking into the Marvel costume isle. I followed behind looking through all of the costumes.  
"Got a favorite Marvel movie?" She asks looking through the rack of costumes.

"Well.. there is one I kind of like." I smile and look at the other side of the isle. I pull the costume off the rack and show Carmilla. When she finally turns to look, her concentrated face is gone and the smile her face forms immediately sends a shock wave through me. Her lips were perfectly curved and her eyes were full of admiration.   
"What do you think?"

"It's perfect, cupcake." She says touching the fabric. "You'll definetly do it justice."

I smile satisfied with her response. 

"I suppose the kids will like it, not to mention they won't really know I'm a girl but that'll be the surprise!"

I can see Carmilla trying to hold in a laugh causing me to laugh. She's staring at me now, her eyes never really reaching mine and her smile never really falling. It made me wonder what she was thinking. She was so concentrated. Like she was trying to pick apart my every secret just by staring at me. 

"Are you alrig-"

"Screw handing out candy" she interrupts me. Her sudden statement causing my smile to fade and my eyebrows to raise in curosity.

"What?"

"You heard me, screw giving out candy." She walks towards me and stops in front of me causing me to hold my breath in anticipation. "Come to a Halloween party with me?"

"A um.. a party? But my dad-"

"Is a little caught up in the hospital don't you think? You don't want to hand candy out alone I'm sure, so, why not?"

I bite my lip nervously causing Carmilla to smile.  
"Trust me it'll be fun okay? Consider it My part of the adventure, since we got to do your part today." 

She wasn't wrong. I felt I owed her for dragging her here. Calling my dad and explaining I was going to miss Halloween with him this year was going to be quite the conversation.. but.. he did mention I should get out more.

"Well?" Carmilla's voice pulls me from my thoughts yet again.

"I suppose.. my dad wouldn't mind his house being skipped this year." I say a little shyly. 

Her smirk turns into a wide grin.

"Yeah?" She questions. I nod in response.  
"Great! I'll send you the details later." She starts walking to the cash register.

"Aren't you gonna pick a costume out?" I ask her before reaching the counter. The cashier scans it. 

"Actually I've already got mine" 

I look at her with curiosity.

"I told you it was one of my favorite holidays" she winks and pulls out her wallet.

"No no, you don't have to pay I've got i-"

"Don't worry about it cupcake," she hands some cash to the cashier. "I wasted our work time by suggesting an adventure, at least let me play a part in it" she sends me a confident smile causing me to look down at my hands. I could feel my cheeks begin to heat up.

"You really didn't have to-"

"I wanted to" she objects grabbing the costume and handing it to me. I put the bag into my satchel. 

"Thank you so much."

"Don't worry about it." She shrugs, "want to get something to eat?" She says opening the door for me. I considered it but look at the time. It was past 5 and I hadn't taken my medications so I was certain whatever I ate would only come right back up.

"A-actually I've gotta go" My smile turns into a small frowning smirk and she looks a little upset but her hard facial expression hides it well.

"Your dad I'm assuming?" 

I couldn't think of anything better, so I nod.

"Well that's a buzzkill, I was just starting to get you out of your shy little shell." She nudges my shoulder as we walk down the sidewalks towards my apartment. 

Was I really coming out of my shell?..

"We've still got Saturday" I say without thinking.   
"I mean if you still want to figure out that project."

"Definitely should start figuring out what we're going to do with that project" she says smiling. 

"Right." 

The rest of the walk to my apartment was quiet with the occasional joke or two, but when it was quiet it was always a comfortable silence. We'd nudge each other every so often making jokes about the bad Halloween decorations. It was nice. Peaceful. 

"Well thank you for walking me to my apartment." I say leaning against the building, "and for buying the costume, which you really didn't have to do by the way, but thank you." I begin to fidget with my hands in nervousness. I was never really one for talking and this situation wasn't really helping the churning in my stomach.

"It was my pleasure, although you know I could have driven you to the hospital myself-"

"I can manage," I smirk trying to speed up the conversation to hold in the contents of my stomach. 

"Well I-"

"I've actually really got to pee." I interrupt her making her laugh. "Sorry if that was too much information, it was just, that coffee-"

"It wasn't too much," she laughs, "You're fine, cutie" she starts backing up and walking backwards on the sidewalk, "I'll text you later cupcake"

"Alright, I'll see you soon?" I smile crossing my arms across my chest.

"Not soon enough." she winks and turns around walking away. 

I stand there for a bit smiling to myself until I feel the churning in my stomach grow stronger. 

Uh oh. 

I stumble through my keys unlocking the building door and running up the stairs to my apartment door. When I unlock it I run to my bathroom. Once I lean over the toilet I allow my stomach to release its usual clear substance. When I was done I could feel the usual burning in my throat. My head was pounding and my body felt weak. I sat beside my toilet leaning my head against the wall. 

My heart was pounding in an irregular beat and my breathing was off. In times like these I had the urge to call my dad and let him know how much these sessions were effecting me. I should at least call to let him know about the side effects.

I grab my phone and start flipping through my contacts. Before I could reach my dad's messages I found myself on Carmilla's. 

I don't understand why, and I probably never will..   
.  
.  
but I begin typing.


	12. A Shot In the Dark

Laura's POV:  
Carmilla and I had been spending a little more time together than we had planned. On Saturday we got our project sorted out then ended up watching movies at my place afterwards. After our english class Monday we had coffee at my favorite bench before I had to go to my usual session. She seems a little off everytime I tell her I have to see my dad in the hospital , I couldn't really blame her. I was lying after all. She never questioned it though, just offered to walk me to the hospital afterwards. Since she had work on Tuesday we didn't see each other till late that night. We had coffee again and spoke about her day. Wednesday she insisted I visit her during her lunch break at work. Due to my usual Wednesday session I had to decline which only made her a little more off about the 'visiting dad' excuse. She called me a 'daddy's girl' which only made me promise to nudge her next time I see her. Thursday through Saturday I had spent with myself kind of avoiding Carmilla because of my lack of control over my chemo side effects this week. I also felt like I needed a little space from Carmilla. We had been spending enough time together, or more than I had wanted to before I got to know her a little better. It's not that I didn't want to see her, wait. I mean, I didn't mind her company, I was just losing track of my rules on friendships. Basically I shouldn't have them.. My side effects were getting a little more rough but it wasn't happening often.

I was hardly getting sleep and the migraines and inner pain was really hard to handle some days. I was able to hold my food a little better thanks to Laf's pills finally doing their job, but I had the occasional nose bleed from time to time. 

It was Sunday night and the Halloween party was tomorrow. Carmilla decided to call me before bed to ensure that I wouldn't get cold feet. It would have been rude of me to ignore her call when we had plans to go to this party since last weekend. 

"You've kind of disappeared on me, cupcake. Was starting to think you've been avoiding me." She says through the phone line.

"I'm sorry. I just hadn't been feeling well and the whole hospital thing-"

"Sick again? You've seriously got one of the worst immune systems I've ever heard of." she laughs. I frown and whisper under my breath, you have no idea..  
"What was that, cupcake?"

Crap she heard.

"I said, tell me about it" I laugh nervously causing her to chuckle.

Nice save.

"Well that's a shame. How are you feeling now?"

"A little better I suppose" I say getting up from my couch and turning off my TV. Walking to my room I grab a glass of water and set it by my bed before laying down. 

"Still feeling up for the party?" She asks. I could hear the hopeful tone in her voice causing me to smile.

"Well-"

"We don't have to go if you're not feeling up for it. We could stay at your place and hand out candy or something?" She interrupts me.

"I wouldn't want to keep you from the party-"

"Trust me, the Zeta's don't throw That good of a party. Besides, you're a bit more amusing then those popped collar puppy dogs." 

"Just a bit, huh?" I laugh rolling onto my side so the phone is squashed between my pillow and my ear. 

"You know what I mean" she says, her breath hinting that she smiled.

"Right." I start playing with the tag on my pillow as we fall into a comfortable silence. I really didn't want her to miss the party because of me. Why was she even basing her attendance at the party off of my own? 

"You there Laur?" She finally says with a gentle and quiet tone. The nickname made me smile.

"Yeah. Sorry just a little tired." I yawn and wipe my eyes.

"Well that didn't sound rehearsed at all" the sarcasm in her tone causing me to laugh.

"I'm serious you broody person." I tease.

"Ouch, that hurt creampuff" again she says with sarcasm and a small laugh.

"Good!"

"Daddy's girl"

"Grumpy gills"

"Lauronica Mars"

"Narcissist"

"Hey! Take that back!" She says sounding offended but laughing under her breath.

"Never!" We both burst into a fit of laughs.

"You're gonna pay for that one Hollis" a hint of playfulness hidden in her tone.

"We'll see about that" I tease before yawning.

"Get some sleep Laur" My eyes begin closing without me controlling it. Before I start falling asleep a thought pops in my head.

"Carm?" I hear the tiny breath she gives indicating a smile.

"Yeah cupcake?"

"I'll go to the party with you tomorrow."

"You sure?" 

I don't really have the energy to speak again. My eyes were fully shut and my mind was fixed on sleep. Before I completely black out I hear Carmilla on the line.

"Goodnight Laura." 

Without any effort, I fall asleep.

\- - - - - - 

It was almost time to leave for the party and I had just finished putting on my costume. I was really curious to see what Carmilla was planning on wearing since she had kept it a secret. Probably some sort of vampire costume or something, she seemed like the type to like that kind of stuff. 

I look at the clock and then at my phone. She insisted I allow her to pick me up and since I wasn't sure where the party was I didn't decline the offer. I hear the buzz from my apartment speaker meaning she was here.

Well. Here goes nothing.

I look at my satchel which held my medications and necessities I used to clean up after throwing up or nose bleeds. I felt okay today so I decided to leave it behind. When I reach the apartment building door I try to catch my breath. Taking the stairs was starting to become a hassle but our elevator was broken this week so I didn't have the choice. 

When I open the building door I see Carmilla leaning against her black car. 

Wow.

She was dressed in all black with her usual messy curls falling gently down her shoulders. I couldn't help the gap my lips were creating. 

"Like what you see?" She sends me a flirtatious confident smirk.

Was I staring?

I laugh nervously playing with the mask in my hands.

"Y-you look great." I say shyly, cursing my stutter in my mind. "Black Widow from the avengers I'm assuming?"

"Correct spider-girl, and you don't look so bad yourself." She winks and goes to my door opening it for me.

"Thanks." She smiles at me and nods as I get in closing the door behind me. Once she's in we drive off to the Zeta sorority house. It wasn't far from the park/coffee shop which made me think how odd it was that I had never noticed it before.

When we arrive there's a massive amount of toilet paper hanging from the trees and people gathered here and there outside of the house. All of them holding red solo cups and wearing revealing or really well put together costumes. My face begins to heat up with a bit of social anxiety starting to stir inside of me. Carmilla must have sensed the tension in my shoulders because I feel her place a reassuring hand over mine causing me to tense up even more.

"You sure you want to go in? We can leave if you'd like, we really don't have to be here." She says with a cautious and caring look on her face. Her eyes were so revealing to what she was really feeling inside. They were like windows when her facial expressions weren't easy to decipher. It was one of the things I had learned about her these past few days. 

"No no, I'm okay," I smile and look at our hands. She removes it and nods, getting out of the car and opening the door for me. We walk in to a complete disaster area. Carmilla had a smile on her face because of the amount of drunk Zeta boys in togas was actually amusing. 

I placed my mask on over my face. It gave me a sense of calmness knowing that no one knew who I was, not because I didn't want them to, but because it made me feel more invisible than I usually make myself.

"Hey dudes, glad you could come!" The boy from my English class stopped me and Carmilla in our tracks. The same boy who was mad because I turned down his offer to be partners. He was obviously drunk and his toga was barley holding up.

"Yeah well, we're here for the free beer." Carmilla shrugs giving him an unimpressed look. 

"Ouch Carm-sexy not cool dude. Who's your hottie friend in the spiderman outfit?" He asks pointing at me.

"The same hottie that turned you down not too long ago popped collar." She smiles at me then gives him a stern hard look.

"Oh Laura right? Look, no hard feelings dude, I ended up with a pretty cute partner." I laugh at his slurred words.

"I'm happy for you.. um?"

"Oh, where are my manners" he laughs putting his drink on the ground to offer me a hand. "The names Kirsch, leader of the brave and manly Zeta society." Carmilla tries to hold in a laugh but she can't. He looks like he's ready to say something to her but I grab and shake his hand pulling him from the thought.

"Nice to officially meet you Kirsch." I say letting his sweaty hand go.

"You too little hottie. Well the beers are around back and the snacks are.." He looks to the floor, "Apparently all over the ground.." He laughs at himself, "so go ahead and help yourself!" Picking up his drink he sends us a huge grin and walks away yelling "TOGA! TOGA!" 

I look at Carm and she immediately looks back at me as we burst into a fit of laughs. 

"Still think I'm more amusing then that?" I say nudging her shoulder.

"Most definitely." She responds with a small genuine smile. It confused the heck out of me how she could do that. Go from being broody to others, to laughing at others, to being so gentle around me. She really did have a hint of vulnerability hiding behind her smile, though I'd never bring it up to her because all she'd do is deny it. 

As the party went on, me and Carm danced as often as we could. I don't know where the confidence came from, probably the mask, but I enjoyed the night very much. I wasn't really expecting it to be that fun due to my social anxiety and the possibility of my session side effects showing, but my side effects remained hidden and my confidence shined through.

When it was almost 12 I could feel myself getting tired. Carmilla and I didn't touch a drink that night. I didn't because of my medications didn't mix well with it and she didn't trust the Zeta's beer. 

"Ready to go, cupcake?" She asks beside me. We had been sitting down for a bit talking about the costumes the people around the room were wearing.

"Ahuh," I say tugging at my mask to pull it fully over my face. She stands and puts her hand out for me to take. I do and she helps me up. Before we reach the door Kirsch comes up to us with a Polaroid camera.

"Hey you two! How 'bout a picture? You get to keep it!" He says smiling drunkly.

We look at each other and shrug thinking 'why not'. We pose beside each other but Kirsch doesn't take the picture. 

"Carm-sexy, get Laura to take her mask off!" He complains.

I shake my head laughing.

"Come on cupcake, show the camera your beautiful face" she says putting her hand on the back of my mask.

"Nooo, I'll break it" My joke causes her to laugh.

"Then I guess I gotta take it off for you."

"Don't you dare" I say laughing. She places a hand on my shoulder and the other firmly behind my mask slowly pulling it up.  
"Carm!" We both start laughing. I place my hand on her wrist trying to pull it away and use my other to try and pull the mask back down.

"Come on cupcake, this is payback for calling me a narcissist!" She says smiling at me. I keep trying to pull my mask down while laughing when I hear the camera click and see it flash twice.

"Got it!" He hands both pictures to Carmilla and walks away taking pictures of everything around the room.

"Let me see!" I say trying to grab the picture from her hand. She holds it above my head away from my reach.

"Nope," she smiles deviously. "You've gotta catch me first!" My lips form an amused smile as she runs out the door. 

This girl.

I run after her. She's actually really fast and doesn't seem to be trying her hardest. I, on the other hand, was sprinting towards her down the sidewalk. We reach the park and she stops by the tree beside my bench. I hadn't realized she had stopped so I stumble into her arms trying to stop myself too suddenly. I had almost tripped over myself and the slippery sidewalk but she caught me before I fell. My breath was uneasy. 

I feel her arms tightly wrapped around me keeping me from slipping on the sidewalks ice. My head was against her chest due to the sudden stop and I couldn't hear her heart. My thoughts were moving too fast for me to process how close we were right now. I hadn't met her eyes yet but I could feel her chest moving as she laughed. 

\- - - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:  
Laura had stumbled into my arms causing me to wrap them around her to keep her from falling. I laughed at her almost accident for a bit until she looks up at me from the position we're in. My laugh turns into a chuckle and then a smile. She stands up straighter now but my arms never leave her waist. Her facial expression was blank and her doe eyes were staring straight into mine. 

What was she thinking..

I could feel myself getting nervous, which never happens. Her breath was visible through the smoke coming out of her mouth due to the cold air. It was uneasy.

Probably because of the running.

We stayed in this moment for a few minutes. Frozen in time it almost seemed. I didn't really plan what happened next. My muscles acted before my mind as I started leaning in.

"Carm.." She says softly. I ignore her warning and take the opportunity to crash my lips gently against hers. At first she froze up. Her lips were frozen and her shoulders were tense. I started to feel anxious with my lips moving alone against hers until she placed her hands in my hair and started moving her lips in sync with mine. The tension in her shoulders was gone and a new type of tension was formed. A 'wanting' type of tension. I pulled her close to me, as if I was the only thing keeping her warm in this moment. It felt good. It felt real. I couldn't even compare it to those nights I spent hopping beds with people I didn't care about. My feelings were still confusing me. I didn't understand what I was feeling but I knew at this second that I didn't want this moment to end.

She pulls back from the kiss so I do as well. When I open my eyes I couldn't decipher the look on her face. Her lips left no smile. Her eyes left no light. Her breathing was still uneasy but gave off no sense of happiness.

What have I done..

"Laur-"

"I've got to go." She says pulling herself out of my embrace and walking the sidewalk that leads to her apartment.

"Laura wait!" I yell walking after her.

She turns causing me to stop.

"Carmilla please don't follow me okay." her face still giving no hint to what she's thinking.

"But-"

"Please." She turns around and continues walking. I stay put, looking down at the Polaroid in my hand.

"What did I do so wrong..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could show the amazing drawing someone did that matched this chapter, but you can find it on my Wattpad version of this story! Thanks for taking the time to read my story I hope you're enjoying it :)


	13. Just Give Me A Reason

Carmilla's POV:

 

She's avoiding me. It's been two days since I've heard from her and I didn't understand why it was driving me so insane. I pace back and forward in my apartment. I could hear the clock ticking away every second that passed and it only made me more anxious. I called, texted and showed up at her apartment but she responded to none of my efforts. I don't understand what I did wrong? I don't even understand why it's bothering me so much. 

"Ugh!" I slump into my couch. It was like she infected me with some sort of feeling. Like she was a drug I thought was meaningless until she stopped coming around. Everytime I tried pushing the thought of her out of my mind she would just pop right back up. Her face, the way my touch felt on hers. It all stung in my mind, on my skin, in my veins. I never felt this way around any of the people I brought home for the night.

Laura's different..

I never felt the need to bring her home for only a night. I felt the need to know her. She was the one human I saved from Mattie. I had no reason to but I did. And I still don't know why. Was it really serendipity or was it fate? Am I stupid for thinking it could be fate when I've spent the last 300 years amongst the shadows of different names and images to hide my immortality? Or was I possibly right..

When I finally feel I'm coming into some sort of realization Mattie bursts through my door with a wine bottle.

"Mircalla!" She says loudly smiling at me.  
This was exactly what I needed. A distraction.

"You alright there Mattie?" I ask tilting my head at her in curiosity. It was obvious she had been drinking already since she had an extra cheesy drunk smile on. 

"More than so darling! I've got our next location all planned out!" 

My smile instantly drops.

"But I'm not done with school?"

"That's the good news dear, we can transfer you here! They've got a good program for psychology major's and even better looking pets for you to mingle with as well!" She laughs popping the cork off the bottle of wine and pouring some in a wine glass. She hands it to me and I take it hesitantly.

"You're not happy? I thought you hated this place Mircalla?" Mattie pouts sitting beside me with a glass of wine in her hand.

"No, yeah.. sorry. I'm um. I'm happy." I say unsure of myself.

She rolls her eyes and puts the wine glass down on my living room table.  
"Now what kind of a sister would I be if I didn't ask what was wrong?"

I guess I was being kind of obvious.

"It's nothing. I've just.. got a lot on my mind." I say standing up and walking to the front of the room. I rest my arm on top of the fireplace and stare at the fire.

"Mircalla.." Mattie says in a whining tone. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Didn't what?" I ask turning to her. She stands and walks towards me placing both hands on my cheeks forcing me to look at her.

"You've fallen for the pet haven't you.."

"What are you talking about?" I move her hands away from my face and walk to my kitchen. I hear her footsteps not too far behind mine. I open my fridge to grab a blood pack. I hadn't touched my packs since the kiss with Laura. I don't know why, I just didn't have the apetite. 

"Mircalla, you've got that look."

"What look?"

"The same look you had with your best friend, Elle." I immediately slam the fridge door shut and turn to her giving her my full attention. My skin felt cold and my mind went blank.  
"Except.." She begins to pace around me. "It's different."

"What do you mean?" I say pressing her to continue. I didn't understand my own feeling but Mattie knew me well enough to explain them for me, even when I denied her observations half the time.

"You spend most of your time trying to find ways to be with her Mircalla. You could care less about this project, we both know it. It's her. I don't know who she is but when you started school you didn't stop smiling. You haven't brought a random girl home since you met this girl. You're glowing in a way that doesn't even compare to Elle."

I feel my stomach start to turn at her words. Was she right.. I had only known Laura for a few weeks yet, I felt so rough being ignored by her..

"But" she interrupts my thoughts, "this isn't good Mircalla and you know that.." She sighs. "You watched Elle grow old from afar and I watched it break you." She places a hand on my shoulder. "And I don't want to see that happen again." Mattie pulls me into a hug. I hug her tightly back for a few moments. When we finally pull away I'm ready to speak. 

"I know you don't want to see me hurt again Mattie, but I.." I contemplate letting my thoughts come out of mouth. I needed to speak. "I care for this one a lot.. and as painful and unsure as I am about her.. about my feelings.. I don't want to run away this time. No. I won't run away this time. I-I want to try."

She shakes her head smiling.  
"You always were so deep hearted Mircalla." She places a hand on my cheek.  
"Does this mean I'm moving miles away by myself?"

I give her a soft smile. "I-I think so matts."

She sighs and smiles as I pull her into a hug.   
"I'm gonna miss you" I say placing my chin on her shoulder. She pulls back and looks at me smiling.

"Don't plan on never seeing me again hun. I'll be back soon enough." She winks.

"Thank you for understanding Mattie."

"It's what sisters do right?" She winks and goes to pour a glass of wine but the bottle is empty.   
"Poo, we're all out." She frowns causing me to laugh.

"I'll go into town and get some, don't worry about it." I grab my keys and walk out.

"Don't forget my favorite wine is only sold at one store!" She says as I close the door behind me. That was a 30 minute drive away that I didn't mind taking for her.

\- - - - - -

When I got to the store there was hardly anyone there. A sheriff's cruiser was parked up front with two other cars that probably belonged to the workers of the store. The snow was starting to pack in on the streets so I wanted to make my visit quick. When I enter the store the cashier waves welcoming me and I nod walking straight to the back. I walk down the wine isle only to see the sheriff looking at the wine bottles with a confused face.

I ignore it and look for Mattie's favorite. Once I find it I grab two and begin to walk down the isle until I feel a tap on my shoulder. 

"Excuse me ma'am, I don't mean to disturb you but I was wondering if I could take a moment of your time." 

I roll my eyes then turn around to meet the sheriff's face. 

Wow this guy looks.. familiar?

"Um, sure" I say.

"Thank you! The police department is having a bit of a dinner and I was asked to bring wine. I'm not much of a drinker, so I was wondering what you'd recommend?" He asks in a cheerful tone.

"Oh. Well this one's pretty big at popular events," I say grabbing a bottle off the shelf and handing it to him. "It's my sisters personal favorite." I honestly don't know why I mentioned that.

He observes the bottle in his hands thoroughly.   
"I'll take your word for it!" He smiles at me grabbing two more bottles.   
"Thanks for your help, um?" He waits for me to say my name.

"Carmilla" I say with an awkward uninterested smile.

"Thank you Carmilla. I'm Mark Hollis, sheriff of this part of town." 

I feel the hairs on my skin begin to stand up. The light brown eyes, the last name on his name tag, his hair color, his face. 

He couldn't be..

"You um. Wouldn't happen to know a Laura Hollis, would you sir"

"Please, call me Mark," he smiles "and yes actually, that's my daughter!"

"Interesting." I whisper under my breath. 

Well doesn't he look healthy.

"How do you know her?" He asks furrowing his eyebrows.

"Oh. We go to the same school." I say honestly.

"Are you.. a friend of hers?" He raises an eyebrow causing me to be a little confused with his curosity in the subject.

"Um. She's more to herself sir. A very good student."

"Oh." He frowns. Did I say something wrong? "Just thought maybe she tried making friends." Before I could question what he meant, he speaks again.  
"Well thanks again Carmilla! If you see my daughter could you ask her to give me a call? I haven't spoken to her since she told me she couldn't pass out candy with me this Halloween."

But.. wasn't he in the hospital Halloween night? Shouldn't he be there now?!

"Um sure. Nice meeting you Mark. Goodluck with the wine." I say waving as he smiles and walks away.

She actually lied to me.. but.. why?

There was only one thing I could do next to get answers. 

Looks like I'll be visiting again.

\- - - - - - - 

Laura's POV:

 

Three days. 

It's been three days since I last saw Carmilla. Three days since I last talked to her. Three days since we kissed.. Three days since I last left my room. And out of those three days, I've missed 30 calls, 10 visitations to my door, 15 texts, and have had 10 nose bleeds and 6 emesis accidents around my house. Not to mention it had been 3 days since I had been at school and 3 days since I had been at my spot.

I didn't touch my phone because I knew it was her. I didn't go to class because I knew she'd be there. Today I had a chemo session to attend. It'd be my first one this week since I didn't go Monday and Wednesday. It was Thursday but I told Laf I'd be going in today to make up missing the past two days. I know my dad and Laf were probably worried about me not going but at this moment I didn't care. I had too much on my mind.

My sickness wasn't getting any better. My emesis wasn't clear anymore, it was starting to produce a brown like substance. It could have been because I hadn't been to chemo this week but I wasn't a doctor so I didn't know. I hadn't been handling any food I tried to eat very well and had lost about 10 pounds since Halloween. My sleeping pattern was off and I was lucky to get at least 3 hours a day. I wasn't in good shape at all but I still had the strength and energy to get up out of bed and get ready for my session. 

I didn't bother putting on make-up to hide my sick fatigue looking face. There wasn't any point. I grab my satchel and keys and walk out my apartment door. When I get outside I notice someone standing by my car. 

Oh god.. not now..

I begin to slowly back away hoping she didn't see me. I turn around and walk down the sidewalk thinking I had gotten away until I hear her.

"Laura! Laura wait up!" I can hear her footsteps not too far behind mine.

"I don't have time right now, please just leave Carmilla." I walk down a deserted ally to try and avoid her seeing me walk towards the hospital.

"Laura please. We have to talk." She says placing a hand on my shoulder from behind.

"Carmilla, I can't do this." I stop walking and turn to her stopping her in her tracks. She's now in front of me with a confused expression. Her eyes show pain but her face hides it well. 

"What?" Tension becomes visible in her shoulders. I see her hands clutch onto her bags strap tightly.   
"Did I come on too strong? I mean, I didn't mean to push myself on you. I'm sorry if I did something wron-"

"No it's not tha-... listen you won't understand okay?"

"Then please explain?"

"I just.. I don't have time for this.." I go to walk past her but she stands firmly in front of me blocking my way.

"What? Do you have to go 'see your dad' again?" I can hear the sarcastic anger in her voice.

"Excuse me?" I say looking at her kind of shocked at her words.

"You know? Your dad? Mark Hollis right? The very healthy sheriff across town? That's your dad isn't it?" She says angrily. I couldn't respond. How did she know my dad? How did she find out.. "Just stop Laura okay? Stop making excuses, stop lying to me and just tell me the truth."

"You wouldn't understand.. I don't want to hurt you."

"You've been ignoring me for days and lying to me Laura, what you have to say can't possibly hurt me more than that did."

She really cares about me..

"Don't you think you owe me an explanation?" She says with anger still in her face.

"Don't act as if you've never kept a secret from me okay? We've all got them." I say trying to defend myself. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to have this conversation. I just wanted to go to chemo then lock myself in my room forever.

"What are you so scared of Laura?" She grabs my hands and holds them tight. "Listen. I.. I've been a really bad person in my past life. I used people. I've hurt people, and I have my fair share of skeletons in the closet, which I plan on expressing to you when the time is right, but that's not important right now. I.. I know your scared Laura-"

"Carm please don-"

"Wait, just hear me out okay?"

I sigh and nod looking in her eyes. The vulnerability she hid so well was beginning to show more than ever. She was serious. Her words were true.  

"I know you're scared, because I'm scared too. But you.. You've changed me Laura. I don't want to be this.. this hurtful person anymore. I don't want to run away from things I'm afraid of anymore, and I most certainly would never hurt you Laura. That kiss.. that kiss meant so much to me.." She pauses searching my face for something. Her tone was pained. "So please, just.. tell me what's going on."

"Carm I... I can't do this now."

"No, you've been lying to me for weeks, WE'RE doing this now."

"Carmilla move out of the way." I try to push past her but she cuts me off again.

"Just tell me what's going on Laura."

"Carmil-"

"Laura!"

"I'm sick okay?!"

"What?" She says confused.  
"We can just take you to the doctor then, I'm sure it's just a stomach bug agai-"

"No Carm.. it's not.. it never was.." I feel the grip she has on my hands begin to loosen. I look at the ground trying to avoid crying but the tears begin flowing in. 

I never meant for this to happen..


	14. 'Say It If It's Worth Saving Me..'

Laura's POV:

"W-what do you mean Laura.." Her tone was uneasy and broken. I couldn't look up because I knew her facial expression would only add more to the pain I was feeling.

"I mean this is something bigger."

"How much bigger.." 

I sniffle and wipe my tears with my jackets sleeve. I wasn't sure if I could say it. I didn't want to say it. It hurt me knowing I was hurting her. If only I knew she'd care this much I never would have gotten involved. This was what I wanted to avoid. This was what I couldn't take going through again.

"Laur." She says with shaky voice. "How much bigger-"

"Leukemia Carm.. I.." tears start streaming down my face. "I've got Leukemia." 

She takes a step back from me.  
"H-how long.."

I look at my hands to avoid her gaze."For over 4 years now."

"But h-how-"

"How did I keep it from you? I don't know either okay.. I just.. I handled my meds well. Every time I told you I was seeing my dad, I was really going to chemo. My hairs been cooperative and hasn't fallen out for now.. and the 'stomach bugs' are actually side effects of the chemo along with the nose bleeds.." 

She stays silent. I finally find the courage to look up and immediately regret my decision. A broken girl stood before me. Tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Her hands tightly wound into fists. I caused this.

"I'm so sorry Car-"

"Don't" she interrupts me. My breath hitches at the pain and anger she had in her voice. "The chemo can help right? I mean, you've still got a chance to.." She pauses and shakes her head, "you can fight this right?" Her voice now expressing a sting of hope. 

"I.. I don't know. The chemo.. I stopped for two years and I just started back up not too long ago. There's no telling.." I can see a tear fall from her eye. She turns her back to me trying to hide her face.  
"My doctor told me to live a full life Carmilla. A life full of friends, education, love... and awakening. They told me to live and I've refused to. I've refused to hurt anyone with the possibility of not making it through this in the end. That was, at least, until you came along.. I didn't know you'd be this.. this important person in my life. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone and you weren't supposed to fall for me as..." I pause hesitating to admit this now. "..as I have for you."

"Then why.." She says still with her back to me. "Why didn't you just tell me."

"I.." I wipe the tears from my eyes. "I was scared.."

"Laura.." She turns around and takes a long look at me. Her cheeks are tear stained and her eyes show nothing but pain. 

"I understand if you don't ever want to see me-"

"No Laur, I-"

"Maybe thats for the best." I interrupt her. "I-I've got to go." I walk fastly past her. She doesn't try to stop me this time and I didn't blame her. I had a chemo session to attend and I couldn't miss another. I wipe my eyes and try to contain myself before I reach the hospital. 

\- - - - - -

Carmilla's POV:

"I'm so stupid!" I punch the brick wall of the alley way causing it to break a little with my strength. I put my back against it and slide to the floor wrapping my arms around my knees and digging my face in them. 

Why didn't I see the signs? Was this why I couldn't hear her heart beat? I should have listened to Mattie. I shouldn't have gotten close.

No..

She can't be sick.. There's got to be a way to fix this. To help her. 

I close my eyes for a bit trying to take in all that just happened.

I've gotta do something..

I stand up quickly and start running.   
My mind had its own destination but my feet were leading me else where.

I didn't care what problems I had before. I wanted to save her. I wanted to fix this. I needed a way. I just realized how valuable this tiny fragile girl was to me and now I'm going to lose her.. just like Elle. Just like my real family. I couldn't watch it happen. Not again. 

Tears built up in my eyes. I wipe them away running at my fastest speed. I didn't care if anyone saw me, I'd probably be too quick for their vision. I just kept running..

\- - - - - 

It was late out when I finally reached the one place I never thought I'd come again. I walked up the all too familiar pathway to get to the red wooden doors of the place. It looked as it did when I left. The grass was cut perfectly, the windows glowed with shaded light from the living room and dining area. On the second floor I could see only one room lit up. 

I don't hesitate to knock on the door. The click of heels coming from a distance from behind the door no longer brought fear to me. When I hear the door knob clicking and turning I back up from the door trying to conceal my emotions before it opens.

"Mircalla dear! Oh how I've miss-"

"Dont." I say with anger as best I could. She instantly tenses up and shakes her head.

"I've been writing you since you've left. Did you finally get my lett-"

"I need your help." I say interrupting her. I wasn't here to speak with her. I had nothing more to say at the moment.

"Anything for my dear daughter Mircalla."

"I said don't okay?" I walk past her and into the house. She shuts the door behind me and my reason for being here becomes clear again. 

And just like that, I can feel myself breaking down.


	15. I Don't Care

"I've never seen you so uneasy Mircalla. Are you in some kind of trouble? Is it money? Has someone tried to-"

"It's not me." I pace back and forward in complete discomfort. Too many terrible memories of this place were hitting me at once. The pain, the anger, the nostalgia, mixed with the thought of Laura was all too much. I needed to make this quick before I broke.

She raises an eyebrow. "Well it must be important for you to finally come to me."

"Can you change someone for me? A human." Her facial expression immediately turns from soft to serious. "She's sick okay. I-I don't know what to do. I didn't know how else to help her. I care about her a lo-"

"Mircalla." She says sternly causing me to stop pacing and look at her.   
"You know I can't just do that."

I feel my chest tighten. "But you can  try!"

"No I can't dear-"

"Stop with the pet names okay? You know I can't stand to be here, in the same room as you. It's obvious this is important to me, the least you could do is try?! You owe me that mu-"

"I Owe YOU?" She asks in anger standing up causing me to step back.

Don't be afraid..

"Let's not forget who gave you this second chance at life. This immortality you now have. I practically raised you, took care of you for as long as I can remembe-"

"Took CARE of me?!" She couldn't be serious. "If what you did to me was considered 'care' then we obviously live in two separate worlds you wretched-"

"Watch your tongue now Mircalla."

"No." I say stepping forward.  
Where did this strength come from?  
Her face stern but her eyes showed she was shocked, just as I was.  
"I've listened to you for too long. I've let you control me for too long. Never again." 

If her head could produce steam it'd definitely be showing right now. Her lips were pursed and her hands were clenched into fists.

I didn't come here for this..

I shake my head. "Mother." I say as best I can trying to keep the bitterness out of my tone. I could feel the tears in my eyes starting to form at the thought of Laura. She let's go of her fists and tightly wound stature to soften up at the words that came out of my mouth.

"What's wrong with this human?" She sighs and sits back down. 

"She's sick.. Cancer.." I say in a shaky voice. She shakes her head.  
"Can you help.."

I could see the insensitivity in her body language as I give her a better description of Laura.

"Alright, that's enough." She interrupts my pleading. "Since the words 'cancer' came out of your mouth I knew she couldn't be helped Mircalla."

Yet she allowed me to ramble about how much I needed help.. she allowed me to continue begging her for help? This woman made me sick. I don't know why I came here.

Bitterness and anger arose in me. 

"You selfish inconsiderate little-"

"Mircalla!"

"F^ck you! I'll find my own way." I say running out the door. I could hear her saying my name from afar but I was long gone. 

How could I ever think she could help me. I was hurt and scared, my mind was blurred. I never should have went to her. I had one thing on my mind now and that was Laura. I had to make things right and I knew exactly where to find her.

\- - - - - - -

When I reach the park it's past midnight and the air was colder than this morning. I walk the sidewalk by the coffee shop and skim the area for her bench. As I start walking towards it from behind I see a figure sitting on it.

Laura.

Her beanie sitting perfectly on her head. Her back melting up against the bench. I couldn't hear her heart beat but I heard her breathing as I got closer. I reach the bench without her noticing me.

"Laur" I say softly, placing a hand on her shoulder from behind. She immediately jumps up to look at me then relaxes to see it's not a stranger. 

"W-what are you doing here? It's late." She says sniffling and turning away from me. I sit beside her. We sit in silence for a bit until I finally decide what I'd like to say.

"I um.. I noticed a very tired girl here once." I say looking at her, but she avoids my gaze and stares at her hands.

"Oh."

I nod. "She was extremely tired," I place my hand on her cheek and she immediately looks up at me. "And cold," I scoot a little closer to her, our eyes never leaving each others. "And beautiful." I move my face closer to hers trying to close the space between us.

"C-carm-"

"So.. I gave her my jacket thinking I'd never see her again, but fate decided otherwise." Our faces are inches away from each other. I could feel her warm breath in front of me. The fogged warm air coming from her mouth touching my lips.

"O-or a very nosey journalist." she says slowly, her eyes flickering from my lips to my eyes and back.   
I shake my head moving my face back.

"You walked into that poetry day at the coffee shop for a reason cupcake. A reason that is beyond you and me." I grab her hands now and wrap my fingers in hers. She allows me to which gives me a sense of comfort.

"You sure that's not just the philosophy major in you talking?" She says causing me and her to chuckle. I shake my head again.

"It's been too long since I last cared for someone like this to not consider this fate." I say with the memories of going through years of people and not meeting a single person worth my time, though she still doesn't know this.

She looks down and her face goes from smiling to frowning instantly.

What did I say this time?

"Carmilla we shouldn't." She says slowly starting to pull her fingers from mine.  
"I.. I don't want to hurt you. You shouldn't have to deal with the pain of my sickness as I do. I don't want to see you get hurt-"

"Listen." I grab her hand and intertwine our fingers again.  
"I... I know what could go wrong." I say with a sigh. "And I know it's going to hurt if it does.." She looks down. "But." I put my finger under her chin and lift her head to look at me. "I don't care." Her eyes soften at mine. "Because you're going to fight this.. We're going to fight this." 

Tears begin to form in her eyes. As they fall down her cheek I wipe them away and send her a small hopeful smile.

"Why do you care so much." She sniffles wiping her tears away. 

"Honestly cupcake? You just make me feel something that I've never felt before. Something I thought even after a thousand years of life I'd never find."   
This makes her laugh.  
Maybe I should tell her.

"You hardly know me Carmilla." She squeezes my hand and sniffles. 

"But I feel as though i have for years." 

She smiles and looks at our hands. Her nose was beginning to turn red and her body was shaking.

Gosh she must be freezing. I take off my jacket and place it around her.

"No no." She says objecting. "It's too cold for you not to have one."

"Then why don't you cuddle into me to keep me warm?" I say smoothly with a smile. She blushes and scoots close to me. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and rest my elbow on the bench bringing her the closest she can be. She rests her head in the crook of my neck against my shoulder. Although the weather never affected my body temperature, I felt warmer with her against me.

We stayed in a comfortable silence for a few moments until I felt Laura trying to cuddle further into me. 

"Still cold cupcake?" I ask in a bit of concern. 

"Yes actually, and you're surprisingly warm without a jacket!" I laugh at her comment and kiss the top of her head.

"Let's go. I'm walking you home." She nods and stands. When I stand I instantly reach for her hand. She smiles and locks our fingers together. 

Did all this really just happen?. After so many years of pointless bed hopping have I finally found the perfect warmness for me? Should I explain my age now?

My mind becomes a blizzard of its own, filling with questions of what to say and how to say it.

Just say it Carmilla.

"Cupcake?"

"Hmm?" She says walking a steady pace beside me.

"I'm a vampire."  
She stops walking causing me to stop. Her head snaps to me and her face was still. I began to feel a chill in my body, not from the coldness but from the fear of what she'd say next. Her lips began to part but didn't form words.

Say something Laura. 

I squeeze her hand in a way to press her to continue. I finally see a sign of what she's feeling on her face and I immediately know what's coming next.

Laura begins to laugh.

Oh boy..


	16. Spend A Little Time

Laura's POV:

 

"You're serious?'

She nods.

"So you're saying.."

"Yup."

"And all this time you've been..?"

"Mmmhhhhm" she nods again with a small smile. It's quite a bit to take in. She showed me her fangs, explained to me that she was nothing like the vampires from twilight and even offered to show me her blood packs, which of course I passed on the offer.

"Well.. I guess we both had secrets." I shrug handing her a cup of hot cocoa.

"I'm sure we've got much more to learn" she says raising an eyebrow and taking a sip. I sit beside her and we stay silent. So much had happened today I didn't really know how to process it all.

Our feelings came out. I told her about my cancer. She countered my confession with her own stating she was a freaking vampire. Were we together? I honestly don't even know at this point.

"Hey." She reaches for my hand on my lap and intertwines her fingers with mine. It was beginning to become my favorite little habit of hers.

"Yes?"

"Was it too much?" She tilts her head looking at me. I take a sip of my cocoa.

"Was what too much?" I rub my thumb over hers in a comforting way.

"You know.. today? All of this?" She shrugs and watches me play with our hands.

"Not more than I can handle." I shrug back and look at my cocoa. I wasn't lying. I'd been through worse. Experienced a lot worse. Besides, what could be so bad about being with a vampire if she hadn't tried to suck my blood already? Wait. Had she?

"That's good-"

"You've never tried to.. eat me.. have you?" I look at her seriously and she bursts out laughing causing me to smile awkwardly.

"Laura I'd never." She laughs. I sigh in relief. "But" 

"But?"

"My, practically sister, Mattie tried to one time. The first night we saw you on that bench actually."

"Oh" I gulp. "Well.. your family seems to like me already huh?" She laughs at my nervousness. I couldn't stop fidgeting with her hands. It was always a nervous habit of mine to mess with my own but since hers were in mine I couldn't help it. 

"Laura I'd never let her hurt you" she squeezes my hand in reassurance. "I promise. You're safe with me." My shoulders fall back in relaxation and a small smile forms on my face. She pulls me close and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I rest my head on her shoulder melting into her warmness. 

"Can I um.." She pauses. "Nevermind."

"What is it Carm?"

She shifts in the couch a little. I couldn't tell if it was out of comfort or discomfort.

"Actually, It's almost 2 A.M. cupcake, I think we've spoken enough for a day, I should go so you can sleep." I raise my head from her shoulder to look at her. She showed no signs of discomfort yet I felt there was something she wasn't saying. I nod anyways to respect her decision. I stand and help her up to walk her to the door. She stands outside it and I lean against the frame.

"Thank you, for walking me home."

"Of course. Thank you for inviting me to stay a bit." 

I nod and smile. She leans forward and places a soft short kiss on my cheek causing me to blush and look down.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I say without really thinking. I guess my mind decided I wanted her here without really asking her before. 

"Tomorrow isn't soon enough." She smiles placing her hands in her pockets walking backwards towards the stairs.  
"I'll text you. Sleep tight Laura."

"Be careful on your way home." I wave to her. She smiles and turns around to walk down the stairs. 

I close the door and sink my back into it. It really was a lot to process but I didn't feel the need to. She gave me comfort. She gave me warmth. 

She gave me hope..

\- - - - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

 

It wasn't perfect but it was enough for me. For now.. I didn't have the courage to ask if I could come along with her to her sessions from now on. I feel like I'd be invading too much of her personal space. Maybe we'd get that close soon. Maybe. Until then me and Laura started little routines I found to be the highlight of my days. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I'd wait for her to return from her sessions. We'd walk to her favorite bench and watch the people that passed by. We'd talk about the absolute most randomest things like how when she was 9 she fell off her bike and got a scratch on her forehead. She swore she was going to be the next Harry Potter until she was 10. Or how overprotective her dad was with her when it came to boys and dating. 'If only he'd known at the time that he was fighting off the wrong gender all along' I remember her stating, causing us both to laugh. We hadn't kissed since that cold October night, but I never stood beside her without our hands wrapped together. It was a small gesture but it was enough for me.

Were we together? 

Technically not, but neither of us bothered to bring it up so who's to know what we are exactly. 

The routine continued with Tuesdays and Thursdays being spent watching some of her favorite shows and movies at her appartment. I quit my job to spend more time with her. I thought the extra time would be best spent with her since I was more than set with money. It's been two weeks since everything came out and we were happier than ever. Laura had managed her side effects well and seemed to even be progressing in her sickness, but no words of progress had been spoken from the doctor so it was safe to say she'd gotten stronger, but the cancer was still completely there.. It was Wednesday night now and we decided to head back to her place for some cocoa. We had sat at her bench for maybe 30 minutes before she felt extremely tired from the chemo. Once we reached her apartment I helped her inside and brought her a mug of cocoa. 

"Thanks Carm," she smiles and takes a sip. I nod and sit beside her. We had been watching Doctor Who for the longest time since it was one of Laura's favorite shows. I didn't mind as long as I was with her. 

She yawns beside me.

"Here" I place her yellow pillow on my lap and pat it. She smiles at me and lays her head down on it, stretching her body out on the couch. I begin running my hands through her hair. It was thinning out. I messed with her hair as gently as possible. Laura's eyes began closing causing me to smile at how much comfort I was bringing her. I continued playing with her hair and watching some really terrible night shows on TV till around 3 A.M. that night. Laura shifted her head in my lap and turned to her side so her head was facing my stomach. Her eyes slowly began to open.

"Carm?" Her tired voice cracked causing a huge grin to form on my face. She turns to look up at me with tired eyes.

"Cutie?" I look down at her as she rubs her eyes.

"Did I fall asleep?"

I nod.

"What time is it?"

"A little past 3 A.M. cupcake, you should go back to sleep." She sits up. 

"Don't you have to go home?" 

I shake my head.  
"I don't require sleep remember? Unless you'd like me to go I-"

"No. I mean, you can stay if you'd like?" She smiles. I shrug.  
"Come on you softy." She grabs my hand and walks us to her bedroom. 

"So I'm a softy huh?"

She shrugs.  
"Around me."

"Can't deny that." I laugh helping her pull her blanket a little down so she can slide in placing her yellow pillow under her head. I stand beside the other side of the bed debating on getting in or not. She turns to face me.

"I don't bite you know" she laughs thinking her joke was clever seeing as I'm a vampire. What a cute tiny nerd. I smile to myself.

"A little soon to be getting in bed with you don't you think?" I raise and eyebrow and give her a cheeky smile. Her face instantly heats up.

"Shut up and get in" she laughs nervously. I shrug and slide into the covers with her. 

"Goodnight Carmilla." She turns her back towards me.

"Sleep well cupcake." I smile and lay on my back looking up at the ceiling. It was hard not touching her when she was right beside me. I didn't want to touch her in any other way but gently. She was fragile to me. I just wanted to hold her but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I kept my hands to myself. 

I watched as only 30 minutes had passed but Laura was clearly asleep. Or so I thought.

"Hey carm?" She shifts and turns to her side facing me.

"Yeah cupcake?" I turn to my side facing her now.

"Are we.. you know." I could practically feel the heat radiating off her face.

"Could you be a bit more specific?" I know what she meant, I just found her nervousness adorable.

"Um. Well. Halloween we..."

"Kissed?" I chuckle and she laughs nervously.

"Yeah, that. And we've been spending days together. Holding hands.-"

"Watching movies, getting coffee, reading together."

"Right." She laughs. "But I'm not clear on what-"

"We are?" I interrupt for the last time. 

"Mhm." she nods though I cannot see her too well with the dim light of the moon coming from her curtains.

"Well." I sigh scooting a little closer. "What do you want us to be exactly?"

I could hear her breathing get a little faster. If I could hear her heart right now I know it'd be pounding just as mine was.

"Well I um.. I like you." She says gulping.

"Yeah?" I scoot closer placing my hand on her waist.

"M-mhm, a-alot." Her eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips back to my eyes.

"I like you alot as well." I smile pulling her close to me. Our faces were now inches away from each other.

"So does that mean-"

"Be my girlfriend Laura?" I say before she can continue. Her breathing stopped for a second causing me to freeze in front of her. Is that not where this was heading?  
"I um. I mean if-" she interrupts my nervous ramble by crashing her lips on mine. I was frozen at the sudden gesture until I feel her wrap her arms around my neck. I melt into her kiss moving my lips in perfect sync with hers. Her body was warm against mine with our legs tangling with each others. We finally pull back from the kiss with nothing but smiles on our faces.

"Was that a-"

"Yes." She laughs nudging my shoulder and turning over so her back was facing me. I pull her body to mine wrapping my arms loosely around her to avoid hurting her small structure. She relaxes her back into my chest and I instantly feel warm. 

"I've got a question." She says wiggling further into me. I laugh and kiss the back of her head.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"You're right" she laughs. "Guess it'll wait until tomorrow."

"Goodnight cupcake." I smile and close my eyes.

"Goodnight Carm" she yawns one last time before falling asleep in my arms.

I had never felt more at home..


	17. "Breathe Deep,

Laura's POV:

"What are you doing for thanksgiving Laur?" Carmilla asks me from my kitchen. 

"I think I'm going to go see my dad. He's been calling like crazy lately asking about the treatment and how I've been." I say flipping through the channels. Thanksgiving was tomorrow and I was out of pills to help control my side effects so I wasn't feeling well today and I had no idea how I was going to keep my food down tomorrow. Carmilla stuck around to take care of me, insisting that I didn't move a muscle.

"I'm driving you."

"Carmilla you don't have to I can manage."

"No, really it's okay, I'm going that direction anyways." She walks into the room with a tray holding a bowl of soup and a glass of water and places it beside my bed. 

"Oh?" I say, a bit curious of her whereabouts. She never spoke of family other than her sister Mattie. She didn't like the subject very much.

"Mhm" she sits on the side of my bed placing a hand on my forehead to feel my temperature. "I'm going to visit Mattie for a bit. She rented a temporary house an hour away from the next town over."

"Oh." I sit up a little better as she places the tray gently on my lap.

"You okay cupcake?" She asks helping me adjust and handing me a spoon for my soup.

"Yes it's just um.." I play with the spoon in my hand.

"Yes?"

"I was kind of wondering if you'd like to spend a little time with me and my dad this Thanksgiving? After you see Mattie first of course." I knew how close her and Mattie were and ever since she found out about my cancer she hasn't really left my side. I knew she missed her when she'd tell me the stories about their many adventures. I take a sip of my soup.

"Meet your pop again huh?" I spit my soup out a little causing her to laugh and hand me a napkin.  
"You know, if my soup was terrible you could have just said so-"

"Its not" I laugh "but um.. Again?" I say trying to clean myself up in disbelief. 

"Yup. Met him a few weeks ago at the store. I helped him pick out wine."

"My dad doesn't drink?" I raise an eyebrow.

"It was for some banquet the cops were having" she shrugs. "He asked if we were friends-"

"And you said?" I interrupt her.

"I said you were more to yourself." She looks at me a little confused. "Wait until he finds out we're actually dating now." She laughs. I lightly punch her shoulder almost spilling over my soup.   
"Easy there killer. Eat up, you're looking a little thin today." She places her hand on my cheek and rubs her thumb over my cheekbone giving me a small sad smirk. I nod and continue sipping my soup while she layed beside me watching tv.

"Oh, and of course I'd like to go over for thanksgiving." She smiles now looking up at me from beside me. "I'll make my trip with Mattie quick and be there before you know it." I give her a big and hopeful smile then lean to the side to kiss her. She returns the kiss softly placing her hand in my hair. It was strange. To love someone and have them love me in return regardless of the outcome. I didn't know what was to come and I hadn't thought about it since Carmilla came around. It was scary to think how much hope this girl gave me of a better tomorrow. I don't know how she did but she did.

\- - - - - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

"You sure your father doesn't mind that you're a little late?" I ask Laura as she looks out the window of the passenger seat. She doesn't move. Her eyes were glued to the mountains we were passing by. I take my right hand off the wheel and gently place it over hers looking at the road then at her every chance I could. She intertwines our fingers together and kisses the back of my hand causing me to smile.

"Did you say something?" She chuckles lightly and looks at me.

"You okay baby?" I say a little concerned about how 'out of it' she was. 

She nods slowly.  
"Just feeling a little tired." I pull up to her father's house and unbuckle my seat belt to turn to her correctly.

"Do you want me to stay? I don't have to go. I want to be here for-"

"No no," she places a hand on my cheek and rubs her thumb across it. "Please go see your sister, it's been weeks. We'll eat when you get back." She sends me a small smile. I really didn't feel comfortable leaving her side after seeing her tired state but I knew she wouldn't allow me to stay now and she was in good hands with her father. I sigh and nod in agreement. She leans over and places a soft and slow kiss on my lips causing me to melt into her. When our lips let go I get out of the car and open her door helping her out. She hugs me tightly before walking to the door and waving me off. I wave and wait for her to enter the house before leaving.

I'm sure she'll be fine, I keep thinking as I drive to the next town over. Mattie had been waiting to hear from me but I had been busy spending my time taking care of Laura and just being with her really. I'm sure once I explained my reason for lack of contact she'd understand.

\- - - - - 

I reach Mattie's house to find she had spent her money well. Since she'd only be in town for the next two days I didn't expect her to spend so much on a big place, but she was one for old fashioned houses and lovely decor. It was something we had in common. I knock only to find Mattie already waiting at the door.

"Mircalla!" She smiles brightly at me and pulls me into a hug.

"A few weeks away and you're missing me this much? I should stay away more often." I laugh hugging her tightly.

"Hush now" she pushes me. "You know this is the first time we've been split for more than 3 days since we met. Where have you been anyways?" She asks while gesturing her hands in a waving motion to invite me in. Her place was nice. The decor was styled old fashioned just as the house looked and was probably the only reason she rented it. 

"Well remember that human- Laura, the girl I sort of.. well, fell for?" I say taking a seat on her couch. She pours me a glass of wine and sits beside me handing it to me.

"The tiny one from the bench?"

I nod.

"Spending all your time with her I'm assuming?" I nod again and take a sip of the wine.

"We're together now actually." I smile causing her to smile as well. My hands begin stirring the wine inside the cup and I watch as it spins slowly to a hault only to spin it again. I was getting lost in the little ripples the wine made inside the glass. It reminded me of a poem I wrote a while back but to think of it now would only make me think more about how much things have changed. I was already thinking too much just by looking at this wine. 

"Is something bothering you Mircalla? You seem a little distracted dear." She places a comforting hand on my knee snapping me out of my thoughts. I place the wine glass on the table and look at her with a serious face mixed with worry and fear. She senses this instantly and squeezes my knee to comfort me.

I sigh.  
"Laura, she.. um.." I could feel my chest getting tighter trying to say the words that plagued our very lives. "S-she has cancer Matts." I say trying to hold back the tears threatening to form in my eyes. I wanted to think it was easy to forget Laura was going through such a terrible fate because she was so strong. She played off feeling okay so well, but when I really sat back and thought about it, I knew, Laura was battling hell. 

God, was she strong..

Mattie pulls me into a hug wrapping her arms tightly around me causing me to sob into her shoulder. I was scared. I was never able to admit that to anyone. 

Terrified.

I kept such a strong posture around Laura because I wanted to be her strength when she needed it. Yet in all honesty, I'm just as afraid of the future as she is. She thinks I make her strong, when in reality, she's my reason to be strong. She's my strength just as much as she may feel that I am hers. We depended so much on each other without really realizing it.

"Hey now" Mattie pulls out of the hug and places a hand on my cheek wiping my tears with her thumb. "You listen here Mircalla Karnstein."   
I nod and try to contain myself.   
"You care about this girl, yes?"  
I nod fast.  
"Then you've got to stay strong for her. She's in a battle far harder than anything we've ever faced. She's strong but you must help her be stronger. You must help her fight."   
I nod feeling her words build me up inside.  
"Good." she sighs and gives me a short hug. "I told you I didn't want to see you hurt again Mircalla."

"I know Mattie." I sniffle. "But I have hope.." I really did.

"Good. Because you're gonna need it." She pulls away smiling at me. "Stay strong dear. If not for yourself, then for her."

"What would I do without you Matts." I sigh relaxing the tension in my shoulders.

"Probably be on the ground somewhere trying to pull yourself together." she laughs as I punch her shoulder playfully while laughing with her.  
"Kidding dear." She smiles, "How about a quick dinner before you go?" She asks standing to walk to the kitchen. I really wanted to be with Laura but a quick blood pouch was needed since I hadn't eaten all day. 

"Maybe just a quick one." I yell from the couch taking another sip of wine.

\- - - - - 

Laura's POV:

"How's the treatment sweetheart" My dad asks from across the kitchen counter. 

"It's fine." I reply walking towards the living room window. The snow was falling again and I hoped Carmilla had made it safely. I couldn't stop looking at the mountains that surrounded this place. They were just as gorgeous as I remember them to be when I lived away from the city. It felt more like home. Speaking of home, I remember I had a rough question to ask my father. It was one I asked many times before but he never liked to answer.

"Hey dad?" I say glancing at the picture frames neatly placed on the fireplace. They pained me to look at. The past was something I never liked to look back on, or talk about..

"Yeah Laura?" He yells from the kitchen.

I walk to the counter so he doesn't have to shout.

"I was um.. I was wondering. How are you paying for my treatment exactly?" His head snaps up from the food he was preparing. 

"Now Laura, you know I don't like talking about it." He sighs tiredly. I could see the tired bags hanging under his eyes. My thoughts were that he's been picking up extra shifts just to pay for my treatment and college. He did way too much for me, I was beginning to feel like a burden..

"But I'm worried dad-"

"Don't be. I can handle it." He sends me a small smile. "Rest sweetheart, I'm sure you're tired from the drive and all." 

I sigh and shake my head. 

"I'm fine standing." I say in a harsh tone trying to let my anger be known. He never gave me the answers I wanted leaving me to think of how much stress I must be causing him.. I walk back to the living room to look out the window again. I wasn't sure if I was looking outside just for the hell of it, or waiting for Carmilla to come around. I was growing fond of the warmth she gave me when she was around. It was a scary thing getting used to something knowing anything could happen to ruin it, but I didn't feel afraid around her. I watched the snow fall while lost in thought.

"I'm sorry." My father says from behind me placing his hand on my shoulder. I turn to face him. "I don't want you to worry about the cost of the treatment sweet heart. Just focus on getting better."

"I'm doing what I can dad, but Dr. Laf's said there's no real way of knowing right now how well it's going-"

"I know." He interrupts. "But you're strong, and we've got our faith." His voice was shaky at the end of his sentence. I hated causing this kind of pain in people. It hurt me just as much as it hurt them.

I nod and smile back at him to reassure him I was okay. He pulls me into a tight hug. I felt really weak in his arms as I hugged him back trying to match his grip but not quite reaching it. I could feel a sharp pain in my back starting to form. Was I becoming fragile..

"How's the food coming along?" I pull back from the hug trying to change the subject.

"Fine, I think" He laughs scratching his head and walks over to the kitchen to check on it. I sigh trying to rid myself of the sharp pain in my back. I look out the window again to try and distract myself from it.

I missed her already.

The snow was beginning to look like swirls in my eyes. I wipe my eyes to make sure it wasn't tears or an eyelash causing them to look different but they stayed strange looking. My head suddenly felt lighter and the normal weak feeling I usually got after a rough day at chemo came back to my body. I knew what was next. I clenched my phone in my pocket and pulled it out pressing the redial button.

"When's your friend coming sweetheart?" My dad enters the room. I turn to look at him barley able to keep my eyes open. His figure was a blur. I could feel my heart beating as if it was ready to pump out of my chest. I could see his mouth moving, though he was a blurred figure, but I couldn't make out the words.

"D-dad" I whisper before my body goes limp and I collapse roughly to the ground with my phone falling beside me. 

I could feel my father's footsteps on the ground getting closer to me but I couldn't hear them or him speaking. A buzzing sound muffled in my ears blocking all sound. I feel his hands grip the back of my head and my side trying to hold me up. The air was getting thick and it became hard to breathe.

"Laura?" I hear Carmilla's voice coming from somewhere. Before I could comprehend if she was really here or not, I black out.


	18. Breathe Clear.."

Carmilla's POV:

"Mattie, somethings wrong." I say standing up with the phone close to my ear. I could hear Mark speaking to Laura.

"Laura! Laura please wake up!" 

His muffled voice was cut off from the other side of the line. Fear was striking through me like a lightning bolt. I felt numb. The fear in his voice only meant something had gone terribly wrong. I had to get there and as soon as possible.

"Mattie I've got to teleport-"

"Don't." She shakes her head. "You know how much that drains you Mircalla we should never do that unless we absolutely have t-"

"This is an emergency Mattie! Laura could be hurt!" I grab a blood bag and place it in my jacket pocket. 

"Mircalla please just driv-" before she could finish her sentence I had my eyes closed and was gone. The familiar needle-like feeling poking at every inch of my body brought a stinging pain to me, nothing I couldn't handle but gosh did it hurt like hell. I opened my eyes to find myself outside of Marks home. I collapse to my knees feeling light headed. Teleporting wasn't something we did easily and I was still trying to master it. The burning sensation stuck to my skin like a thousand nails poking every inch of me but I suffered through the pain remembering Laura needed me. Standing up I run as best I can to the door busting through it to find Laura in Marks arms. Her body was limp and her stomach was barley moving indicating her breathing was slow and labored. I froze at the sight. 

Is she...

"Quick call the hospital, tell them we're on our way!" He yells at me snapping me out of my thoughts. My hands shook grabbing my phone and doing as he said. I run to her aid after calling ahead. Mark hands her to me and runs to open his police cruiser car door allowing me to carry her into the back seat. He helps me lay her to where her head was placed in my lap and body stretched across the seat. Turning on his lights he sped to the hospital. 

I felt cold and frozen. The pain in my body from teleporting went numb at the sight of Laura. Her motionless body was in my hands. I wrapped my arms around her upper body cradling her head and holding her close to me. 

Wake up Laura please. Please wake up.

I tried to hold back the tears in my eyes thinking about what Mattie said. 

"Let me be your strength cupcake." I whisper with a shaky voice in her ear. I had to be strong for her. I had to have hope. Her stomach was visibly moving up and down still, showing me that she still was breathing but very faintly. Her shirt was was a little lifted and I could see a dark dark bruise starting to form on her side. I gently lower her shirt and look away.

"Hang on baby. We're almost there." I brush the hair out of her face and place a soft kiss against her forehead.   
I didn't know what was wrong with her and it scared me. I wanted to take it away. I wanted her to open her eyes and smile at me letting me know that she's okay. She had to be okay..

When we reach the hospital everything's a blur. I remember handing her off to the nurse and the doctor I assumed to be Dr. Lafontaine. I whisper to her before they pry her from me and place her on a stretcher to wheel her into the emergency room.

Please be okay Laura.

\- - - - - - - 

Laura's POV:

I open my eyes to a hazy bright light. Everything around me was white. The bed sheets, the walls, the ceiling. If I didn't blink enough to clear up my vision I'd think I was floating in the clouds. I saw the monitors to my right and the familiar smells of the hospital. My hearing slowly came back as I heart the monitors beeping beside me.

What happened?..

I try to raise my hand to my face to touch the nasal cannula when I find my hand caught under Carmilla's hands. She sat beside my bed holding my hand with her forehead layed on the bed in front of our hands. She was asleep, or possibly playing pretend. I place my other hand on top of hers and she instantly wakes up looking at me with a mix of worry and relief. 

"Laura" she whispers standing to wrap her arms around me in a very gentle hug. I wrap mine around her as best I can but every part of me felt tense and sore. The IV connected to my hand didn't allow me to move much either. I felt a sharp pain on my side and in the back of my head. 

"W-What happened?" I ask rubbing the back of my head. It felt sore along with my side.

"You fainted Laura." Carmilla says squeezing my hand. "Dr. Lafontaine wanted to explain when you woke up."

"Well that explains the bruising feeling I feel behind my head and on my side." I let Carmilla's hand go and grip the bottom of the gown the hospital changed me into. I start to raise it to check my side.

"Laura I'm not sure you want to do tha-"

I raise it to find a huge dark bruise developed on my side. The sight left my heart hallow and my skin with goosebumps. Easy bruising was a symptom of the cancer but I had never caused such a bruise to myself. It was saddening. Carmilla places places her hand over mine starting to lower the gown. Before she does she looks at me then looks at the bruise. Without saying a word she places two light kisses on my side where the bruise is located. Her lips were gentle on my skin. I didn't feel pain from her touch. She lowers the gown and places her forehead against mine. I close my eyes letting a few tears fall from my closed eyes. I feel her cup my cheek and pull my face forward to kiss my forehead and wipe my tears. 

"Hey" she whispers. I open my eyes to her placing her forehead gently agaisnt mine again.

"Y-yeah?" I say sniffling.

"You're so beautiful Laura." She places her other hand gently on my cheek and kisses my nose. "And so incredibly strong." Her thumb grazes my cheek bone and I couldn't help the small smile forming on my face. 

"Thank you Carm." I place a soft and short kiss on her lips. It was needed. Her lips were soft and perfectly warm against mine. When we pull away she sits back down in the chair beside me resting her hand over mine. She suddenly let's go and places her hands on her lap.

"Where's-" before I could say anything my father walks in with Dr. Laf beside him. They were in conversation when they notice I'm awake.

"Laura!" He practically shouts causing Laf to jump a little. "You're awake!" He walks towards me opening his arms and wrapping them around me tightly. 

"Easy there dad" I laugh patting his back. "Still very weak and sore." 

"Right!" He pulls back and steps back a bit giving me room.

"I'm in pain not contagious" I laugh causing him to laugh. He grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. Carmilla had let go of my other hand a few seconds before they walked in. She must have heard them when they got close to my room. 

"How are you feeling Laura?" Laf says with their clipboard and pen in hand.

"Better surprisingly. Care to explain what happened?" I say still trying to wrap my head around what happened.

"Well as you can see you've lost a lot of weight meaning your eating habits aren't well." They sigh, "which is to be expected.. those pills I gave you will only hold it down for so long." They frown at me as I nod encouraging them to continue. "A very unbalanced apetite and fatigue don't exactly mix well" Laf says writing something on their board. "Everything else seems to be the same since your last session so we can only assume fatigue and a weak diet caused you to black out." 

I sigh looking down at my hands. Carmilla places her hand firmly around the bed rail squeezing it while looking at me then my hands then back at me. I knew she wanted to hold my hand but respected that I hadn't told my dad about us just yet. 

"I'm okay." I mouth to her so only she sees. She nods and looks back at Laf.

"Will she be able to go home?" Carmilla asks firmly.

"I'm afraid not tonight. We took a few blood samples from Laura and tested them. One out of three came out positive for anemia."  
I could see Carmilla's grip tighten around the bar so I place my hand over hers to try and relax her. Laf and my father are too busy looking at each other to notice at this moment.  
"So we'd like to test her again but taking this amount of blood from her could cause dizziness so we'd like to keep a close eye on her for the night." 

I nod and gulp at the thought of me possibly being anemic. It meant more problems. More pills. More to worry about.. My father's police radio goes off.

"Sheriff, we've got a slight problem we'd like you to look into on Highway 68, over." 

My father grabs his radio and is about to speak when I interrupt him.

"Dad go. I'll be okay." His eyes look pained and tired. He looked at me for a bit then Laf then Carmilla. 

"I'll watch after her sir. I promise she's in good hands." Carmilla says rising from her seat. He looks at our hands now noticing them on top of each other then he smiles slightly at me. I nod agreeing with Carmilla.

"I'm sure she is." He says nodding to Carmilla and places a kiss on my forehead. "I'll be back when my shift is over."

"Be safe," I say as he walks out.

"See you later Mark." Laf says helping him with the door. When he's gone Carmilla sits back beside me holding my hand gently. 

"Ready for those tests Laura?" Laf says clicking their pen closed and placing it behind their ear.

"I suppose so." I gulp and carmilla runs her thumb over my knuckle softly in a comforting way.

What's a few more needles to my skin?

\- - - - - - 

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't rough, but Carmilla was beside me the whole time. Her presence brought nothing but comfort. Laf and her seemed to hit it off as well. She wasn't a very friendly person to most strangers but I guess she figured since Laf's trying to help me get better they were alright in her books. I'm sure by now Laf caught on to Carmilla and I being together since she held my hand multiple times in the process of it all and didn't leave my side. They didn't mind of course, they were encouraging me to live a full life after all. 

I sighed leaning back in the bed. It was raised in a sitting position hurting my back a little so I used the remote to lower it it to a 35° angle.

"Tired cupcake?" Carmilla says with a sad tone in her voice. 

"Mhm" I say being honest with her. I saw no reason to play off being energized. The day was filled with fainting, falling, bruises and tests. It wasn't exactly a relaxed day and I'm sure she knew this.

"Get some rest. I'll be right here." She says kissing the back of my hand while holding it in hers. I nod closing my eyes. I hadn't stayed in the hospital since maybe a year ago so the bed was very discomforting. I missed my worn out yellow pillow honestly. I turn to my right side letting Carmilla's hand go and facing my back towards the chair she sat in. It was the side I didn't bruise so it was less painful to lay on. 

"Carm" I say still facing the monitors.

"Yes Laur?" She replies. I could hear her rise from her seat from behind me but she doesn't move. 

"Can you lay with me?" 

I hear her taking her boots off and I instantly smile. I feel the weight in the hospital bed shift a little and feel her snake her arms around me, pulling me gently into her so my back was against her chest. Since my bed was still tilted up a little she was laying slightly higher than I was. She kisses the back of my head gently being careful about my injury. 

"This okay?" She asks quietly from behind me. 

"Perfect" I smile although she can't see me. I hear her breath change for a second indicating she smiled as well. Laf said they wouldn't be back with results until morning and carmilla had the best hearing to know when they were coming. Although, I knew Laf wouldn't mind at all. 

"Sleep baby. You need your rest."

I yawn and feel her arms shift from around me to my side gently stroking it up and down. She her touch stayed light over my bruise making sure not to hurt me. It was the perfect touch to fall asleep to. I turn around towards her and place my head against her chest as she continues stroking my side. I close my eyes slowly drifting off. I imagined we were lying in my bed. My yellow pillow placed under us both. Her scent made me feel at home.

She was starting to feel like home..


	19. The Silence Is Deafening

I awoke the next morning to Carmilla's body missing from behind me. I frown and search the room only to find she's gone. I raise the head of my bed a little to a sitting position yawning and stretching to wake myself up. I see Carmilla's jacket draped over the chair beside my bed so she mustn't be far. I see a book placed delicately across the chair as well. I reach to grab it when Carmilla walks through the door with a tray of scrambled eggs and water. 

"Morning cupcake, sleep well?" She says flicking on the other set of lights making the room much brighter. She closes the door behind her and places the tray on a small table beside my bed. 

I nod and smile at her.

"Well I got you breakfast," she smiles. "We've got to rebuild your strength." She walks towards me and places her hands on my waist. I wrap my arms around her neck pulling her into a hug. She holds me gently making me wish she could hug me tighter without me feeling pain. I just wanted her close. It was an overwhelming feeling right now.

"Sorry" I pull back. "I just... wanted to feel.." I pause trying to find the words but can't put my finger on it.

"Don't apologize," she says placing a hand on my cheek. "It's hard concealing myself from holding you." She whispers placing a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and let her soft lips pressed against my skin sink in. I wanted out of here. She made me feel at home but when I opened my eyes I knew this place wasn't home at all. 

"Here," she pulls out the table that holds my tray over my bed. "Please try to eat a little? The meal was approved by Dr. Lafontaine. They said it's soft texture may allow you to hold it down a little better. She hands me a spoon. I look at the plate of scrambled eggs. The eggs looked watery and it's scent was unpleasant enough to make me feel nauseous. I can feel my stomach starting to churn and my face go hot. 

Please no, not now.

Carmilla notices the effect the eggs have on me and immediately removes the plate from my view. She hands me my bed pan but I manage to control my urge to release the contents of my stomach. 

"Maybe... oatmeal would have been the smarter choice." She says with a frown. 

"How about applesauce?" I suggest. "It's sweet but it may be a little more pleasant for me."

She nods and quickly walks out of the room with the plate of eggs. I sigh laying back against the bed. I didn't feel comfortable at all. The thought of puking in front of Carmilla was a little embarrassing honestly which only made me try to hold it back more. She understood and was caring about everything but I didn't feel comfortably ready for that. A burning sensation was left in my throat from holding it back so I take a sip of my water. 

When I raise my glass I look through the doors small window to see Lafontaine talking to Carmilla. They seemed to be informing her on something because Carmilla was focused and nodding to their every word. I wonder what they were talking about when Carmilla's face suddenly drops. Her focused expression now looking more broken than before. I knew what it meant, though I wish I hadn't had to see it written on her face first. 

Pain.

I began to feel it just by staring at her. Not only physical but emotional as well. Pain from the cancer. Pain from the chemo. Pain from watching the ones I care about hurt. 

Pure pain. 

It was enough to bring tears to my eyes but I quickly wipe them. I didn't want Carmilla to worry more than she already was. 

What have I brought her into..

I watch as her and Laf shake hands and she walks towards the door to my room. She opens it with a blank expression on her face. We stare at each other for a good minute before she finally speaks.

"Let's get out of here cupcake." 

All I can do is nod.

\- - - - - 

Carmilla helps me into her car, which her sister apparently brought to her while I was asleep last night. She closes my door and begins walking to the drivers seat when Laf walks out and hands her multiple prescription papers. She nods and shakes their hand saying an inaudible "thank you" before getting in the car. Laf comes to my window before we leave.

"I'm sorry for the bad news Laura," they say with a frown. "But I know you can get through this." I place my hand over theirs and they smile faintly.

"Thank you Laf. I'll see you Monday?"

"As always frosh." They nod and walk back to the hospital doors.

I turn to look at Carmilla to find her staring at me. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Her expression was blank and her eyes were hallow making my heart feel cold. She shakes her head lightly pulling herself out of her thoughts and starts the car now staring at the road ahead. We weren't far from my apartment which I was happy about. 

The car ride was quiet and the air felt thick. I wanted to talk to Carmilla but I didn't know what to say. She was quiet and she was hurting, that was perfectly visible. I didn't know how much of this I could take. I felt like breaking down but I held my composure the best I could. I feel Carmilla place her hand on my knee and squeeze it gently trying to comfort me. I tried to allow it to but it wasn't helping comfort her in any way so that caused me no comfort.

After dropping off my prescriptions we finally reach my apartment. Carmilla helps me up the stairs to my apartment door. She opens it for me and helps me put away the extra clothes my dad had brought me the day before.

We hadn't spoken since this morning. She didn't speak and the silence was slowly destroying my mind. It gave me too much time to think, about everything. I couldn't hold back the tears starting to form in my eyes. I was past due for a breakdown.

I don't want her to go through this.. not with me.

"Hey Laur, where do you keep your med-" Carmilla pauses when she looks up from digging through the bag and sees me. "What's the matter.." She says walking towards me with concern written all over her face. 

She places a hand on my waist but I turn away from her so my back is now facing her. 

"Baby, talk to me." She says softly from behind me.

"I.. I can't do this Carm." I say feeling my heart sink at the sound of my own words. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling.

"W-What do you mean.." She says hesitantly. Her voice was pained. I couldn't find it in me to turn around.

"I appreciate you taking such good care of me.. but I can't have you do this. I can't have you go everyday in emotional pain watching as I di-"

"Don't." She interrupts me. I turn to her to find tears starting to form in her eyes. I sniffle starting to break down myself.  
"Don't speak like that-"

"Carmilla we both know I can't survive this-"

"Laura-" 

"No!" I yell at her. Her face showing shock. She tries to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Look at the facts Carmilla! I'm showing no progress in chemo. I just found out I'm anemic-"

"You just started chemo not too long ago Laura, progress takes time and we can get through this togeth-"

"Come on Carm. We both know where this is heading you can't deny it. I can't hold my own food in. I'm slowly losing weight day by day. My hair will soon begin to fall, I'm not as strong as I-"

"Stop it okay!" She shouts

"Why can't you just accept that I'm probably going to die someday Carmilla!" The words sting my chest.

"Laura!" She shouts with anger and pain in her voice. The tears begin to flow completely from my eyes as I broke down into a fit of sobs in front of her. She rushes towards me and engulfs me into her arms holding me tightly as my body goes weak into her. My sobs only got harder to control as I held onto her jacket tightly crying into her shoulder. She places a hand behind my head stroking my hair repeatedly saying 'shhhh, it's okay cupcake.' to comfort my crying.

"I-I'm scared carm." I say trying to catch my breath but more tears flow.

"Shh. I know baby, just breathe." She whispers to me. "Let me be your strength." She places a gentle kiss on the side of my head holding me close. I try to get myself together as best I can before even trying to look up at her.   
"You know," She says pulling back a little so she can see my face. "Science suggests that we experience time as slower when we're afraid." Placing a hand on my cheek she uses the other to tuck the hair in my face back behind my ear. "Meaning, Live in constant fear and feel like you're immortal." I sniffle and look down at my hands.  
"I know it's no constellation, but" she places her hands in mine. "I'm afraid too Laura. But I know you can get through this."

"Carmilla." I sigh sniffling. "I don't like seeing you hurt. I feel like such a burden on your life. You deserve to be happy and I'm a walking talking time bomb. Something's always going wrong-"

"I'm not going anywhere Laura so you can stop there." She says firmly. "I've lived too long for you to even think you're a burden in my life. You're the best thing to happen to me.. ever, actually. And if you're a walking talking time bomb then I'll study to be part of the bomb squad." This causes me to laugh through my stuffy nose. She smiles now making me smile a little.  
"As for things going wrong, I'm not going to turn away Laura. I'm gonna stand and help you fight, okay?" She holds my hands tightly. "I want to be the one good thing to happen to you that changes your luck completely. And I am happy. As long as you're here with me, I'm more than happy." She places her forehead against mine. I close my eyes sniffling.

"What did I do to deserve you" I whisper. 

"Having you makes me the real winner here," she responds rubbing small circles into my sides.

"I-I'm sorry" I open my eyes and pull my forehead back. "With everything happening, I saw it on your face that you were hurt and I.. well I couldn't take it, so I kind of.. blew my top in attempt to push you away.." 

She nods. "It does hurt." She says honestly, "but being with you is worth any pain this cruel word brings our way." 

I kiss her cheek and place my arms on her shoulders pulling her into a hug.

"Please tell me you didn't mean a word you said Laur." She says rubbing my back gently still holding me close. Did I mean anything I said? The facts were a given, but death? It wasn't certain but it wasn't uncertain. 

"Of course not." I respond hearing her release a breath of relief. She releases me and grabs my hand walking me to the bed. We lay down and she pulls my back to her chest spooning me. I grab hold of her hand and intertwine our fingers together feeling my eyes beginning to close. I needed her touch. I needed her warmth. I needed her. Every single part of her.

"Promise you'll be right here when I wake up?" I whisper closing my eyes.

"I promise." She says placing a kiss on the back of my head as I drift off to sleep.

\- - - - - 

Carmilla's POV:

I watched as Laura's chest rose and fell in a slow motion letting me know she was asleep. Napping was to be expected according to Lafontaine. I had left her in the morning to speak to them about everything and they told me as much as they could..

Flashback:

I slowly slide out of the hospital bed making sure not to disturb Laura's sleep. She was so tired from everything it was sad to see but I was glad to help her rest. I slowly walk out the door into the hospital hallways. It was early and I only knew because the amount of staff cheerfully walking around had lowered. As I walked to the restroom I stop in my tracks to see Lafontaine getting their bag situated to clock in, so I took the opportunity to stop them.

"Hey," I say walking towards them.

"Hey Laura's 'friend'," they laugh saying friend sarcasticly.

"What's with the sarcasm Doc?" I ask crossing my arms across my chest raising an eyebrow.

"Oh come on, you can't honestly say you two are just friends," they laugh, I tighten my lips and when they look at me they put their hands up in a surrendering motion.  
"Sorry. That's your personal business."

I nod.

"It's just.." they pause biting their lip. "I haven't seen her this happy in so long."

"What do you mean?" I ask confused. Laura wasn't happy at all yesterday yet Lafontaine states she's the happiest she's been.

"Maybe not at this second but.. okay you can't say anything."

"Get on with it Doc." I say raising an eyebrow.

"Right right. This past week she's been coming into her chemo sessions smiling. I could never find hope in her eyes until.. you came along. She speaks of you a lot you know?"

"Oh?" I swear I could feel my heart melting at the thought of me actually impacting her life as she was impacting mine. 

"Of course!" They laugh. "All good things."

I nod and smile.

"Can you um.. can you tell me a little about her condition?" I ask, not really knowing if I was entitled to know. 

"Well," they sigh. "Since she stopped chemo two years ago it's gotten stronger. I don't want to say it's chronic because there's no going back from that and I'd like to keep having hope.." 

I look down at the ground lost in thought. She wasn't showing much pain, but maybe she was just really good at hiding it..

"There is hope though.. right?" I say looking at Dr. Lafontaine now. Their eyes looked saddened.

"A small window of it. Yes." They answer honestly. Laf places their hand on my shoulder causing me to tense up. "Keep her comfortable. Keep her happy. She deserves that much and more." 

I slowly nod trying to comprehend everything. They told me about common symptoms and side effects along with whats to be expected when it begins to hit hard. It was so much to take in and the pain laura could be going through only made me feel that much worse. Laura would probably be waking up soon so I say thank you to Lafontaine and we exchange numbers for if I ever had any questions or for emergencies. I walk towards the cafeteria after our talk and look for what Laf suggested Laura could try eating.

Present:

I move the hair away from Laura's neck and kiss it gently as she shifts around for comfort in my arms. I wanted nothing more right now but to stay close to her. It's all I've really wanted. She didn't deserve to be cooped up in here. She needed to find serenity. To see everything she thought she could only dream of, experience the things she's always wanted to. 

This wasn't enough. She deserves more.

I grab my phone quietly from the table beside the bed and start typing.


End file.
